A Typical Day, More or Less
by Secret-H
Summary: Sometimes America goes a little crazy. Luckily, Canada knows what to do, but he's busy, or enjoying the show. (?)Shots on a typical day when America does something so weird, it's not even weird anymore. Rated T for language and sexual things. 100% Randomness
1. Table of Contents

**I decide to make something of a Table of Contents to put everything in chronological order, if only because I would never write it that way.**

Everything so far is in the same universe, though I'll mention if they ever vary and **In Which the Twins get Lucky** can stand alone.

**2. In Which the Twins get Lucky  
**"Would you like to become one with Russia?"  
"…Sure."

.

**4. In Which Twins are Unlucky  
**America had between 50 to 60 children. Give or take a couple of territories, districts, or capitals it was probably in the high 60's by now.

.

**5. In Which An Important Day is Forgotten  
**"Would you like to become one with America?"  
"Wha!"

.

**6. In Which New Jersey has a Bigger Problem  
**"Can states invade other states?"  
"Um…"

.

**3. In Which the Nations Meet a Stranger pt1  
**"Like, who the hell are you?"  
"_I _am America's replacement."

.

**8. In Which the Nations Meet a Stranger pt2  
**"So the states can take after the countries who had the most influence on them?"  
"Yeah, well, only sometimes. Sometimes they could just be your lovechildren."

.

**7. In Which America is in a Bad Mood  
**"Fuck off."  
"Excuse me!"

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**10. In Which Somebody's Gonna have a Bad Day  
**It was a terrible day to be Diesel Carsten Jones.

.

**9. In Which America Melts Some Brains: A Jones Family Secret.  
**"Is this another holiday or cosplay thing that we would most likely be better off ignoring?"  
"What? No, silly. Atlantis made this for me."


	2. In Which the Twins get Lucky

**This is my second drabble thing. The wording is kind of awkward at places. I'm going to make these scenes on times when America goes a little crazy, for whatever reason. I didn't know how to choose between country and legal names so I just switched it up , South Italy is S. Italy, but North Italy is simply Italy, because I like it that way.  
****I think this is where you can consider this DISCLAIMED if you perhaps thought I owned it...Because I don't. **

* * *

"Would you like to become one with Russia?"

"…Sure."

The room is silent. France stops feeling up England; South Korea stops groping China. Italy falls off Germany's shoulder; S. Italy freezes in his struggle to remove himself from Spain's lap. Greece wakes up, and half way around the world babies suddenly stop crying. The world united together in a single thought of _WTF?_

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

It was supposed to be an ordinary world meeting, the way the day was going. Like usual, nothing was getting done. People were being molested, or ignored. Russia was terrorizing people, merely by being present; he seemed extra cheerful that afternoon. The only difference was America. He was being weirdly quiet: no outlandish, impossible ideas, no shouts of him being a hero. He just seemed to be staring into space looking strangely dazed, cheeks lightly flushed.

Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, no one really noticed. They were making enough noise of their own, only slightly overshadowed by Germany's roars for order. Canada was the first.

Contrary to common belief, Canada and America were actually quite close. Not as close as the two Italies in a brotherly way of course, but they were two different countries after all, with separate lives, and really just complete opposites. However, they were still twins, even if they were not technically human or born, and they were connected in their own way. They had completely open borders and could feel each other, even when they could not be with each other. It was generally stronger when they were together, and right now all Canada could feel was heat. Yes, he definitely recognized that face and this feeling.

America was in heat. In the middle of a world meeting. The only thing going through Canada's mind at that point, besides "fuck" was "shit".

Canada was not sure what the 'heat' was, but sometimes it just happened. It only ever affected one of them at a time, but this did not really matter, because the other would always feel it; no matter how far away they were. It was horribly intense and all encompassing. Canada could usually control himself for a while, but America had no such restraint. As soon as the heat hit him, he took the first plane to wherever Mattie was and had a little bit of consensual rape. Or a lot. It didn't matter from whom the original feeling was coming from, or who topped, as long as there was relief.

These periods were something that Matthew both loved and dreaded. On one hand, America was rather brazen, and Matthew's inner France could not help but take advantage of that fact, (besides, he usually got to top, and the pleasure was way intense). On the other hand, America had the stamina of a god and the strength of one too, which could lead to some unfortunate things, (like bruised ribs, hips, lips, and just about everything else).

But the point was, that a horny America was a very shameless America. And for some reason, none of the lust was directed at Canada, who did not know if he should be relieved that he was not being sexually assaulted, worried for whatever international incident this was sure to cause, or sorry for whom ever America decided would be suitable sacrif-, victi-, partner.

Matthew did not think of this for long, however. No, he was too busy checking out a certain albino, and wondering if he would be interested in a threesome concerning a piano player. Canada needed a little love too.

Besides, it seemed as though America had already made up his mind and set his sight on someone. This person had noticed America's quietness and was slightly interested. The American pig never shut his mouth after all, and a thinking America never boded well for an one. Russia, deciding that he was bored and simply feeling like getting into an argument with America, (and possibly humiliating him in the process,) went about starting one the easiest way he knew how.

Smiling innocently, and by innocently I mean the way only a crazy person could, he asked, "Would you like to become one with Russia?"

He was surprised to see America actually contemplate it, but not as surprised as he was at the nation's answer. "...Sure."

_**{End Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

So…now the room was silent, with all but one, [Mattie was a bit busy moving to the other side of the room to claim his prize(s)] staring at America. Even Russia, or perhaps especially Russia, was frozen **(A/N: HAHA Pun XD) **in shock. England was the first to say anything.

"America, you bloody idiot, what the hell do you think you're saying?" America simply looked up and smiled. And it was then that people began to notice that it was not an ordinary, Bright, Happy, & Stupid© look. It was something that was actually quite unsettling to see on the American's face. A predator's grin.

"Do hush, Iggy," Alfred said, a foxy grin stretched, corrupting his smile. "Russia and I were having a private conversation. It is impolite for a gentleman to interrupt."

Now England could not make a sound, even as his mouth opened and closed rapidly. _'Russia and I' _and _'It is'_, since when did Alfred speak proper English? Where was the 'me and the Commie Bastard' and the 'It ain't'? Why the hell was America talking to Russia in the first place? Who the fuck had switched Alfred this person, who clearly was not him? That stupid, foul mouth,alien? Now that he thought about it, Arthur had not had to yell at him once. America was actually being _quiet_ and _still_.

By now everyone was wondering what perverse alternate universe they had fallen into, but they dare not move nor make a sound and be the ones to give the world a final push towards the apocalypse that was obviously taking place.

"Silly, America." Russia finally said, snapping out of his stupor. His smile took on a chill. "Do not make more promises that you cannot keep. You have enough of those to last you for a while yet."

It was all the countries could do to not run right out of the room. They waited for the imminent outburst from America that would undoubtedly usher in CWII, but nothing happened. Well, nothing that they were expecting. America stood up, moving to step in front of Russia. He raised a hand, but only placed it on Russia's cheek, moving his face in forward.

"Now, don't be that way." He said in what would have been a placating tone if his voice had not lowered and his eyes hooded. His face was close, too close to Russia's face, his breath on Russia's ear. "I'd love to become one with you, Ivan."

Francis could not even conjure up a lewd comment, with his jaw hanging and his arms full of a swooning Arthur, (who would probably be groped awake later on and definitely teased constantly).

Russia was trying to turtle his way into his scarf, his face feeling suddenly hot. Wha-? America quickly shoved him off balance and on to the table, before climbing on top. "Yes, Vanya, let us become one with each other."

America smirked, popping buttons as he tore Russia's coat open and reached downward. At that point, everyone realized that he was not going to stop and decided it would be best to leave. Even France carried England out after a particularly harsh grin was bared his way.

And then Fun things happened.

_**{Meanwhile/Page Break}**_

Austria was feeling a touch uncomfortable being squashed into a Prussia who, in turn, was backed against a wall. He looked up at Canada, who leered down at him, before pressing against him harder to reach over at Prussia .

"How would you like to invade my vital regions?" Matthew breathed, his eyes dark with what should be obvious.

"Wha-?" Prussia was dazed and confused. As awesome as he was, he was having a hard time comprehending exactly what was going on, or even remembering who this person was. He knew it was not America, who currently was doing unthinkable things to Russia on the conference table, but the name was alluding him. Austria rubbing against him so pleasantly was not helping. It was K-something…

"Austria can join us too." And suddenly things didn't really have to make sense.

Roderick froze and looked up to see two smiling faces bearing down on him ominously. He shivered as the bodies crushing him between them started moving simultaneously, and could not stop the next shudder, in fear and something else, as he thought of what was to come.

**In retrospect**, maybe it a typical day after all.

* * *

**I look back, not more than six months ago, and wonder how I could have written that? I'm reaaly going to have to work on my shamelessness if I'm ever going to try my hand at citrusy goodness.**


	3. In Which the Nations Meet a Stranger pt1

**I have written another chapter and I must say that this is annoying as hell. I knew it would take time, and I do have ideas, but I am probably one on the world's slowest typers, and I can tell any alerters out there that this will not be happening often. Expect new chapters relatively far between. ****So anyway, in this story, we meet a state. He's kind of rude...and abrupt. Why? Because I can. I also put this shot into 2 (or more) parts. Why? Because I can. I don't want the chapters to be more than 2K, and I am working on something else, but this was taking too long. Slow typer, feel free to point out any mistakes in the story. Stick to technical; I don't care about your opinion unless it's a compliment.  
I did get the Italy's mixed up last time so thanks for that, I'd say your name, but I already deleted the E-mail. I don't know accents well, and I used an automated translator so don't get hung up on that.  
****Consider this ****Disclaimed.**

* * *

"Like, who the hell are you?"

"_I _am America's replacement."

The nations, who had all been pretending to look bustling, (which was weird, because they never get anything done anyway), were suddenly trying to look more busy than before, when they heard Poland ask the question none of them would voice. They had strained their ears to hear the answer, which had them dropping their pen(cil)s, and their jaws. Poland,(he was on roll here,) once again took it on himself to voice what they were all thinking. "WTF?"

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

There was someone in the room as the first of the nations arrived for the meeting. England was early, as always, and dragging France along with him, (Quite literally. An unconscious Francis was being dragged by his ankle by a blushing and pissy looking Arthur.) England spotted the stranger only after he had dumped and straightened France's body into his customary seat.

The stranger was familiar looking, but England simply could not place him. He was wearing knee high combat looking boots with along skinny jeans, a long sleeve shirt that went to the knuckles and clung, and a black dress vest. Everything looked purposefully worn and designer. The stranger's hair was black and looked like it would have reached his shoulders if it had not been so messy, fighting the clips that failed to tame it. His face was almost aristocratic, but more arrogant than ethereal. It was also hard for England to place his race; it was like a perfect blend of them all. Though none of what he was wearing actually seemed to match, the stranger looked, dare England say it, 'hot', but also like he would be a complete asshole about it. Shades, that reflected the magazine he was reading, covered his eyes.

England was mildly, (cf. very,) interested, but the stranger was so rude as to not acknowledge him(England) at all, and seemed like he(the stranger) belonged there, and so paid him no mind.

Soon, the other countries began to arrive, and though they all gave the stranger the briefest, (or not so brief, as Russia did tend to stare), of glances, they assumed that he belonged there, so left him alone.

Canada was one of the last people to show. He was never all that late, and never as late as his twin, but he did not come early by any means. Why should he when no one ever even noticed him show up? His_ absence_ would probably be noticed, maybe, but all he had to do was show up before America, and that lengthened his sleeping time considerably.

He looked over the room, like he always did, for any changes in the seating or the conditions of his fellow nations. His eyes stopped at the person sitting in America's seat, and paused to wonder what New York was doing there, but figured that it couldn't be that important or he would have heard about it.

Canada took his place and waited for the meeting to begin. No one seemed to be willing to start arguing, (which was ridiculous, because they seemed to enjoy screaming at each other). In fact, they looking like they were doing things suspiciously like actual work. Canada was about to stand and speak, but something bright glinted in his eye. He turned to see New York smirking at him from the side.

New York made a discrete hushing gesture, and almost imperceptivity nodded toward the other nations. It was then that Matthew noticed the furtive looks between their "work," which did not seem to be real work at all, (except for Sweden, who was not one to waste valuable time). Canada hid his own smirk, and giggle **(A/N: In my mind Canada giggles, even as he plots, and its adorable.) **So, the other nations did not recognize New York. Holland, Canada could understand, and France appeared to sleeping, but England? Really? Well, never let it be said that Canada was one to ruin somebody's fun. He relaxed back down into his chair and took out his paper work. Because Canada was not one to waste time either, not with paper work, which bred like rabbits on aphrodisiacs.

The silence went on for a while. Nobody wanted to be the person who did not know who the stranger was, so they put off asking for as long as possible. But time for the meeting was slowly winding down, and they seemed to have dither even through the scheduled lunch. The stranger did not seem to notice the tension, (rather like a certain country we all know,) and even Russia's incessant stare was met with an unshakable finesse. The magazine must have been terribly interesting and with tiny words because the stanger was barely half way done. The nations with less patience seemed like they were going to brake under the pressure, when finally one did.

"Like, who the hell are you?" Poland finally asked, almost desperately. The countries all continued to work, perhaps more diligently than before. Everyone seemed to be holding their breathes though, ears straining, waiting for an answer.

The stranger finally looked up, uncrossing his legs, and closing the magazine. He said to Poland, with almost a sneer, "_I_ am America's replacement."

"WTF?"

_**{End Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

The room was silent again, but with shock, as the nations all tried to comprehend what they had just heard.

"For the day anyway," the stranger continued, looking strangely **(A/N: Would this be a pun?) **smug. England's considerable eyebrows furrowed as he processed what was happening. He had just noticed that the stranger _was_ sitting in America's chair. Before he could open his mouth, however, France took this time to awaken. He took no notice of the gaping looks on (most) everyone's face. His eyes almost instantly fell on the stranger, and his face brightened with recognition and delight.

"Vinny~!" He shouted, and almost vaulted over Arthur, definitely stepped on Canada, and flew at the state, moving to catching him in what could only be described as a glomp. It was easily stopped by a straight armed fist, before New York hooked his arm around his neck and kissed France. Once for each cheek and another on the lips. New York then threw France away and stepped on him, the whole time looking nonchalant and indifferent as he grinded his heel.

"What did I say about calling me that?"

"But, mon petite, you never mind it when dear mother _Amerique_, calls to you so," Francis whined with a pout.

"Oh, but _vous, stupide, pervertir, dumb-ass, fort heureusement, vous êtes pas le père.," _'Vinny' replies cuttingly, and France could only scowl before replying.

"How I wish it were not so," he says, smiling again. "We could be great together."

"One," New York begins, "don't say stuff like that, it makes you sound like a villain… a bad one. Two, if that were to have happened, then we would be committing actual incest, instead of Moms' and Uncle Mattie's, kind of, sort of type. Three, I don't think you- "

"OI!" England interrupted, with a yell. He had been sitting there, waiting for an explanation, before he was interrupted by the stupid frog, who apparently knew the stranger. This meant that England should also know him, but, though the voice and attitude were more familiar, he still could not place the face. "What the hell, Frog? Who the hell is that, and why in the bloody hell is he here instead of America?"

Which was the question wasn't it. He said he was America's replacement, and everyone had instantly stopped breathing. But then he said only for the day, so that meant that either America had something more important, or that he had skipped, the latter being more likely. It was probably for a stupid reason too, like finishing a video game or the opening another McDonalds. The countries continued guessing, and England was busy working himself up into a frenzy. _Ooh, I'm going to beat the cholesterol out his arteries when that bloody, bastard finally shows his face…_

Before he could continue on that tangent, (and he could, right up until he punched 'that bastard' right in the jaw,) England was brought out of his mind by New York.

"The moms got shit to do, so he couldn't take the time to visit ya'll sorry asses." England, and everyone else, but France and Canada, was floored, by the sudden bluntness, increased rudeness, and change in accent. But as soon as it was there, it was gone (or lessened anyway). "He had to take care of my twin and his little problem. 'Joisey' has a lot of 'little problems,' but I suppose that this was one not _technically_ his fault. Still, time is money, dammit, and something should have been done about this sooner. Fuck, now we can only seal it away for a while again. I swear to God, Allah, and who the fuck ever is listening; just when you think you got the last of them, something else decides to bite you in the ass. It's worse than that damn goat-eater thing that Maria keeps letting in when she sneaks into Ma's house, and lords know those damn Sutherner's won't shut the fuck up about that! Whine, whinge, bitch!-"

He seemed like he could go on for a while, so Italy raised his hand to ask the question that they were all burning to know. A quick hit by hands, now swinging wildly in their expressions, quickly put a stop to that (and really, Italy, of all people, should have known better than that). Spain had to hold S. Italy back, from attacking, but by that time Germany had had enough, and a crying Italy was not helping. He put his fist down, quite literally, making the table shake under the onslaught.

"Enough," he yelled, making the nations next to him flinch away. "I demand that you shut up, and tell us who you are!"

The attention of the room was again caught as the still mysterious stranger cut off in his ranting. He had stood up at some point, as to have more arm room, and now slowly turned his head to look back at whomever dared to interrupt him; his siblings knew better than to do that. Taking his time to notice the countries looking at him with interest, he snared then raised an eyebrow.

"Despite the fact that that is technically impossible, I suppose you should know. My name is Vincentius N. Jones, Vincent to my siblings or friends, and New York to _you_ people." He took off his shades to reveal mercury eyes that showed only dislike to all but a few. They hardened to steel. "And if any of yous bastards gets ta thinkin' of eva call me Vinny, I'll pop a cap in all y'all asses."

_**To be Continued…**_

* * *

_'Oh, but vous, stupide, pervertir, dumb-ass, fort heureusement, vous êtes pas le père.,' _"Oh, but, you, stupid, pervert, dumb-ass, fortunately, you are not the father."

**And now we know...**

**************New Jersey...{Derrick(m)**  
New York...{Vincentius,Vincent,Vinny(m)


	4. In Which Twins are Unlucky

**This drabble thing is getting a little out of hand. Suddenly they're becoming this weird chain and I'm not sure if I should make them all connect to the same universe. I'm also stuck explaining things, and making new chapters, but I'm more or less writing this as I go along, so I need everything to exist at once for if I want to change something. I wanted a drabble, not the story this is forming up to be. And I am neglecting poor Harry, my first, my baby.**

**This chapter is a little background information for the states in this universe, (and I say universe for when I write something else and want to change it up.) Sorry for the wording. I write completely different from how I talk and it tends to be overly proper with little contractions which really make it sound awkward, at least in my mind. I also add too many commas(commos?). I think the sentences are too long. But anyway...**

* * *

America had between 50 to 60 children, give or take a couple of territories, districts, or capitals. It was probably in the high 60's by now. He was not the father(mother?) of all of them, however, despite what the other countries may assume, (the ones who know about the states, not too many do). Places like Hawaii, Texas, and Alaska came annexed with their own personifications, others simply appeared at some point or still didn't exist. Some states even have two.

Kansas has two personifications. The original, being rather sickly due to the civil war, was more scholarly, and took care of business. Dorothy, unlike her older brother went out and handled the more physical applications, (including driving Russia away whenever he got too frisky with their sunflowers, and one could trust that Monroe, despite any resentment that he might have, was only grateful that he didn't have to deal with the crazy bastard.). Alaska also had two representatives: Alexi, who joined the states only after Russia had sold him (which he was still sore about, so I wouldn't mention it) and Alex, a later lovechild of Russia and America, (who Russia kind of still doesn't know about, so I also wouldn't mention that). Alex likes to live with Alexi and anyone could see that her older brother loves to dote on her and takes his job very seriously. Even Hawaii had two, though they technically were in no way related, (and Nikkei technically didn't have a land mass). They had a close relationship. Despite Lilu's hate for Kuki's father, she acted as the best older sister/surrogate mother she could be.

Yes, that was a lot of kids, issues, and languages to learn, still, America loved all of his 50-some kids and they all grew to love him back.

The same could not be said for each other; like I said, a lot issues. The states tended to avoid one another when they could. They all generally shared an intense dislike (cf. hate) for each other, and only met in great numbers for national holidays, and other important days where school may or may not be canceled; **(Never Election Days, EVER)**. There were certain groups that one could bring together at certain times, though usually it was best to stick to regions. There was also the twin thing.

While "siblings" who shared the same state might get along okay, twins, who were states near to each other…also could…but in a love/hate kind of way. There was always the "one had to be better than the other" thing, and God forbid, that they shared part of the same name.

N & S Carolina: one could not usually tell them apart, which was only okay because they rarely functioned apart anyway. These were two very creepy chicks, and when they have a fight, it is only advisable to get away.

California and Nevada: apart for people getting their cities mixed up on occasion, they got along alright-ish.

N & S Colorado: not so much. Its best not to bring it up.

Virginia and West Virginia: Think of the revolution only on a smaller scale, and England(Virginia) just a little more tsundare. During their whole childhood, Virginia, (and yes, this is her actual name) had always been the more controling, outgoing, and, (somehow,) more proper. When George broke away, it nearly shattered her frigid little heart. This is the one example of when a two person state did not get along, and it ended "_badly_".

But love/hate could only be personified completely by…

**And I was tempted to end it here, but…that would be awkward...**

New York and New Jersey.

If one has ever thought of putting these two together as a team, (without the other states, like Delaware or Connecticut to stop them, or even Massechusetts to distract New York,) then they have inevitably seen the error of their ways.

Do Not.

_Ever._

Why? Because it is painful.

Not physically, of course, (or most of the time anyway.) No, it is painful because New York is a dick. Sure, New York can be charming, charismatic, even romantic, but anyone who knows him can tell you that our fair Vincent is the most asshole of a douche that you will ever have the questionably fortune to meet. He is rude, snarky, foul mouthed, and will only be remotely nice if you: are America, have something he wants, are considered worthy/important enough, or are enough of a stranger that he feels some kind of obligation to be is painful because New Jersey has problems: a lot of "little problems." It is painful because New York is the kind of guy who will point these out-for whatever reasons-repeatedly.

Because New York is a dick.

He's kind of like his father(mother?) in the whole not reading (cf. ignoring) the atmosphere, only in a more mean-spirited way. It is painful because New Jersey just takes it…

Well, except for when he doesn't. You see, down Derrick's long list of ordinary "little problems" are a couple of slightly larger than little problems, but we won't get into _those _right now_._

Derrick is a bit like Vincentius, actually. A drabbier version of Vincent. They were identical twins when they were young, but somehow along the way, while Vincent seemed to bloom, Derrick was always less, growing in the shadows. Their relationship changed, and even their appearances reflected how others saw them, or perhaps how they saw themselves.

Vincent is always fashionable, (and likes to stay that way, which is why he even stands France.) He has a sharp tongue, but it's also silver and very malleable. New York attracts people to him and he rarely has to try. New Jersey looks like a blander image of Vincent, like looking in a dirty mirror. His skin is just that bit darker, his hair with just that duller; even his eyes, compared to Vincent's pure mercury, are muddled with green and the slightest bit of brown, that made them look murky. He took to wearing glasses, even as New York chose contacts so that he could where his larger assortment of shades. His clothes were not worn-looking because he bought them to look that way, but because he tended to wear them until they fell apart. Even while New Jersey had some how ended up an inch or more taller, one would never know the way he walked with a slight forward hunch.

Yes, the New Twins were opposites, and really its more loathe/hate relationship than anything. Or maybe it was not that they hated each other, but that there was no way for them to get along. Their personalities complimented one another's in the worst way possible, and it was a cycle that only ended in three scenarios. 1.) New Jersey slinks away feeling depressed, 2.) New York either narrowly avoids getting shot or, 3.) New York narrowly avoids getting his throat cut.

Why?

Because New Jersey is submissive, awkward, and dresses badly. New Jersey is also a little crazy.

* * *

**So what have we learned...**

**Alaska...{Alexi(m) and Alex(f)  
Hawaii...{Lilu(f)...Nikkei{Kuki(m)  
Kansas...{Monroe(m) and Dorothy(f)  
New Jersey...{Derrick(m)  
New York...{Vincentius,Vincent,Vinny(m)  
Virginia...{Virginia(f)  
West Virginia...{George(m) **


	5. In Which An Important Day is Forgotten

**Mooooooo! Okay, technically this is all kinds of late, but like I said, don't expect much better. This is still with the whole Twin thing. Think of it as a prequel to the prequel of the Stranger. This is two days before Halloween on which the event that leads to the reason that America has been busy...for a whole month apparently. This mostly had a plot, but I got off track, and went with you tell at the exact moment when I diverged? I wonder if its a bit obvious.**

* * *

"Would you like to become one with America?"

"Wha!"

The room froze (again) and the nations were shocked (again). This was happening more and more often for some reason. Maybe because they were meeting every month instead of just semi-annually. Damn recession. Their hearts couldn't take much more of this, especially not this frequently. England looked up, but was puzzled.

"America?" He asked with his eyebrows twitching, (dancing, prancing). He glanced to the person sitting next to him. "But, then who is this?"

"Canada."

"WTF?"

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

It was Friday, October 29th and nobody wanted to at today's meeting. I mean god, allah, kami, it seemed like they had just had one last week. Before, the meetings were simply unpleasant things; sure you hated them, but they happened infrequently enough that one forgot exactly how bad they were until six months later. Now, with a meeting every month, the nations were really beginning to understand just how much they couldn't stand each other. And America. America was definitely something else.

Over the past few months they had learned things about the country that they had never noticed. He had always been overzealous, happy-go-lucky, and an idiot. He really still was, but he was also a country, and so had his own darker sides. One would think that he would be happy about being able to talk to nations and tell them about his many ludicrous ideas. He had never before missed out on a chance to be annoying and nosy. Instead, sometimes it seemed like his heart was just not in it. Apparently, even he got tired of seeing them all too often.

Sometimes his smile was not quite right, and his laughs a little off. Sometimes he was even quiet. It was a bit worrying. Sure, many people would not mind America 'getting his', but it seemed that even he was feeling the economic crisis, in his own way. This was kind of bad. On one hand, it might get America to mind his own business. On the other, America not minding his business supported a lot of their economies, and he did keep some of the more "uncouth" nations under control, or at least, focused on him.

The point was that America kept things stable. He was always cheerful to them, (even if two times a year was nothing to go by and he hated(?) Russia), and he never gave up (except to Vietnam, somebody else, and possibly China, depending on how things went,) and he was America. He was supposed to be loud and obnoxious, not quiet and thoughtful. A quiet and thoughtful America was a bad sign of civil unrest, isolation, or extreme violence, like wiping two city's off the map.

Needless to say the nations were wary. America had been acting weird.

Today was apparently a quiet day, because England had almost not noticed when he arrived. Technically, the meeting should have started already, but for some reason it felt like someone wasn't there, which was ridiculous. Who would ever come later than America? Still, Alfred himself was earlier than usual and still waiting, so he must have remembered who it was that they were still waiting _for_.

Arthur sat next to him, racking his brain and shooting America conspicuous glances. Very conspicuous. But Alfred just seemed to be ignoring them, wiggling in his seat, and staring into space with a questionable smile. Sometimes England forgot that he was supposed to be watching him. America being so unobtrusive was really starting to freak him out, but he had no time to dwell on it because behind him spoke a voice that chilled him right to the core.

"Would you like to become one with America?"

"Wha!" England screamed, jerking away. He looked back to see…someone. Who was this? He looked almost like a skinny blonder Russia, but with different buttons and badges, and the scarf was spattered with red. Not that seeing Russia covered with blood splots was weird, but he would never get his scarf dirty. Besides what did he say? Would you like to become one with…

"America?" Arthur asked with his eyebrows twitching, (leaping, flying). He sharply glanced to the person sitting next to him. "But then who is this?"

The person that was not America, slowly turned towards England, smiling with mischief. "Canada."

"WTF?" England screamed in anger.

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

Suddenly, America (the real one, not the other guy, whoever he was) burst out laughing. Not his normal laugh either. This one was just as loud, but inconsistent, and a little hysterical, and going on for longer than usually or even socially acceptable.

As suddenly as it began, it abruptly stopped, and America wore a Russia-ish kind of smile as he drew a dented and rusted metal bat from out of…wherever he got his hamburgers presumably. Before England could react, he swung.

England flinched back only for the bat to stop straight in front of his face.

"You never answered my question, England." America smiled wider, and Arthur was stuck between a mildly uncomfortable chair and a blood-stained baseball bat. "Would you like to become one with America?"

"Dammit, America!" England said as loud as he could with his throat now being crushed. "What is your problem? Are you turning into another Russia or something?"

"Well, du-uh, Iggy." America said falling out of character. He pulled the bat away, and supported it with his shoulder. He gave England the your-acting-like-me-look. "That's kind of the point. What gave it away, the cosplay or the use of a catchphrase?"

Now Arthur felt a little stupid. Not because he thought he was wrong specifically, as much as because America was the one to point it out. _How low I've fallen_. But then he got back to the matter at hand. He'd be damned if America made _him_ look like the idiot.

"What I meant to ask was, why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?" But America didn't get to answer.

"**Ridiculous…?**" Russia practically drawled out, as he stood up, reaching behind his back. England paled.

"Now Russia," England said, as he too stood up and prepared to run. "It looks as good as it can on you."

"As good as it can?" Russia was now smiling in the way that said some one would at least break a bone, and only if he didn't have his whip with him. Which, as it happens…**(AN: What, can you honestly tell me that Russia wouldn't own a whip? No, I didn't think so.) **England was about to book it when he continued. "I really don't think you are one to be saying anything. Америка probably gets his bad taste from your poor parenting; both in food and in clothes. The clothes, at least, is a workable change, because I highly doubt that he has any taste buds left."

England froze as he stared at Russia, before pulling out a plate of scones. And he launched them with the deadly speed and accuracy of Japanese shurikens. All it took was a couple of them batted away: one hit Greece and bounced off, one hit Sweden and he twitched, one hit Switzerland and out came his guns, one hit Italy and Germany was too busy to stop what happened next.

As the room collapsed into anarchy, Canada watched on amused, and America being bored and texting his kids. Seriously, they had just forgotten about him. And they said he had a short attention span.

Japan was able to escape and calmly walked up to America as he dodge a frying pan. Mad shinobi skillz still came in handy.

"America-san." "_Alfred_" "Alfred-san," Japan corrected effortlessly. "Why exactly, if you do not mind me asking, are you wearing Russia cosplay?"

"Seriously?" America said looking up. When Japan nodded, America tilted his head and looked exasperated. "Dude, Sunday is Halloween."

"Ah," Japan breathe, his curiosity sated. He was still a bit nonplussed, but America was just weird like that. "Are you doing anything special?"

"Yeah I'm spending time with-" America suddenly froze, his eyes widening. "Sunday's Halloween."

"Uh-yes?"

"It's 2010, right?" America asked with dread.

"Well, yes." Japan looked worried, while Canada was obviously not paying attention. "Ameri- Alfred-san, are you alright?"

"Shiiit!" America yelled hopping up, dodging a tomato he suddenly grabbed all of his stuff and made his way to the door. "I can't believe I forgot. I can't believe it's been so long already...Damn, I'm getting old."

"Wait, Alfred-san." Japan called, jogging after him. "Is there a problem? Perhaps you are in need of some assistance?" Alfred suddenly stopped, almost making Japan run into him. He swirled around.

"Actually, Kiku, do you know anything about seals?"

"A bit, yes, but what-"

"Awesome!" America cried, and proceeded to drag Japan along with him. "That might make this a bit easier and I think we have time to stop by your house. Also, I might need to borrow a sword."

And with that he dragged Japan out the door, not that anyone noticed. Canada was still keeping himself entertained, and whenever the fighting seemed to die down, all he had to do was throw a chair, and it was once again on. At this rate, they could be at this all day, eh?

* * *

**And that's all folks. Did we learn anything of significance? Not really. **

**I am working on a whole bunch of other things, and it is really slowing my work on this story down (as if I wasn't going slow enough). I also had a Cultural Anthropology report that I had to do. We were on Asia, and I did it on Anime and Manga. I decided to go all out, and needless to say it took a while, but it was AWESOME~~! A 46 slide Power Point, and I earned the an A, dammit. I better not have to burn down someone's house. I don't know where you live, but I can find you Mr. Ulysses, and it **_**will**_** be on. On a sadder note, I may fail Honors Chemistry. Stock System? Nitrate, Nitrite, Nitride? Does somebody know the difference, cause I don't care. **

**Anyone see Deadly Hallows, I didn't.**


	6. In Which New Jersey has a Bigger Problem

**MOOOOoooooo... It's been a while. I was working on my Harry Potter thing, and I wrote two stories, which was nice. They were a bit longer than usual, but so is this, so whatever. Don't have to much to say. I'm sick, but it makes my voice sound , and PunkOtakuForLife, if you happen to be reading this, I don't retcon, but I did add them in a little.**

* * *

"Can states invade other states?"

"Um…"

The room seemed to freeze. The states who had all been…well, not really doing much of anything besides pissing each other off and cheering, were now actually quiet for the first time since they had arrived. The sudden silence was awkward and uncomfortable. They all turned to the voice that had asked the question and were completely shocked to see New Jersey. "WTF?"

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

It was the Halloween meeting of the states, and everyone was waiting for it to be over already. The only reason they had even shown up was because their mom took some weird kind of joy in seeing them fight, as long as they were all fighting united, or something like that. Either way, no one was going to be the one to make him sad, so they were all hanging in there, watching the clock not move fast enough.

The table that they all sat around was square with an opening at one end and hollow inside. The seating was a first come first serve arrangement, but one had to sit near their own region. America sat at the end opposite of the opening, and the states usually tried to group around him. I am only stating** (AN: Pun ;D)** this because this was a point of conflict among the states, (territories, capitals, district). Just because the meeting was held in his country did not mean America would be on time. And he wasn't. This allowed his 'children' to duke it out to see who got the seats closest to him.

While I say states, I mean whomever the regions delegated as their strongest. Usually, it ended up coming down to Alaska (Alexi), Texas, California, Michigan, New York, and a Louisiana/New Orleans double team. Of course, for this to happen, everyone, (and by everyone I mean these seven,) had to be on time so that they finished without Alfred walking in on them. Which was not usually a problem, except…where the fuck was New York? New York did not come late. He was not like Tomas who was so much like their mom that he could be a more tan twin. (It was actually a bit of a mystery why Texas and America couldn't be around each other for long periods of time, but assumed that it was a case of being too alike to not find annoying.) New York was always on time, (unless he was trying to spite you), and he wouldn't risk it at something like this.

Just when Delaware and Massachusetts were about to step up to take his place, Vincent came in, dragging one Derrick, who was looking like he shouldn't have left his bed, (he wasn't going to either, until his twin came barging into his house and pushed him out.)

"Dammit, Joisey!" New York screamed, looking pissed, and his words suffered for it. "Look wha' was abou'teh happen. Cleave was abou'teh get 'iz ass handed to 'im, cause you made uz late. An' you _know_ Maddie would 'ave go'en the fail smacked out of 'er, (though prolly not 'ard enough,) just look at 'er baseball team. Red Sucks iz more I like it."

"Oy," Maddie cried out, really more out of habit now than anything else. "It was deh Bahmbino, yeh bahstard!"

"Ri~igh, de 'Bambi~no'" New York, snarked with the smallest cut of the eyes before turning back to poor Derrick, who was squinting behind his glasses.

New Jersey didn't seem to be paying any attention. He simply kept his eyes down, fingers to the bridge of his nose pushing his glasses up. He seemed to be fighting of a killer headache-going-on-migraine.

Yeah, he probably should still be at home in bed. _It's not like Mom wouldn't understand. _Derrick was trying to think, but none of his thoughts seemed to stitching together. New York screaming in his face was not helping, and he could feel himself losing control over..._something_. "_Sta 'zitto_"

Vincent paused in his tirade. He gave a small sneer **(AN: Sneers like Snape, he does) **"Excuse me, idiot. Did I say I wanted to hear your voice?" Delaware, who had been quiet for a while now, move to interfere. Lord knows, everyone else was simply going to ignore them or enjoy the show. But then…

_Click_

"_Chiuda la scopata in su,_" Derrick said coolly, but still not looking up. That didn't keep him from pointing his pistol in Vincent's face. The room was suddenly still.

_Dammit_, thought New York. He was sure he had patted Jersey down, before they left the house, and he shouldn't have had time to pick up anything else. _Not that means much. Joisey can pull out weapons like Moms can pull out food. _

Cleave came to himself, continuing his movement towards the twins, though now in Derrick's direction. He raised his hand over Jersey's, but was careful not to touch; that would be bad, as New York had learned early on in life.

"Now, New Jersey." He said softly, like one would to a skittish, dangerous animal. "Derrick, you know Mom said not to point your guns at people, especially your siblings, and especially Vinny, your _twin_. Mom will be here any second, so you need to calm down and put the gun away."

Derrick didn't look up or make any move to do so, but he seemed to be calming down.

Nobody made any sudden movements, because they all knew what would happen if they did. New Jersey was soft spoken and generally better off ignored, because when he lost it, he really lost it. Thankfully, these fits of rage and insanity were only ever reserved for New York, since he was the only one who didn't seem to learn. Or maybe he just didn't care. The relationship between the two states was a little strange. Rather like Wisconsin and Minnesota, they more or less hated most things about each other, but they were the only ones who could pick on the other. (And by that I mean New York is the only one who could pick on New Jersey and New Jersey was the only one who could try to kill New York. And that means _you_, Massachusetts, rivalry or no.)

New Jersey seemed to calm down enough to have his gun taken. Then he was (once again) checked for weapons, even though they all knew that it would do little good.

Finally, the states arranged themselves, putting New York, and the rest closest to America today for everyone sake. Then they waited.

And waited.

Still waiting.

"Where the fuck is he?" Salister yelled with frustration, and barely hidden rage. His purple eyes flashed violet; he looked a bit demonic and perfectly willing to curse Alfred the moment he came through the door. Before hurricane Katrina Salister had never been the most approachable looking people. He came off tall, black, and deadly, and had dressed in a weird tribal goth mash up, (except during Mardi Gras, of course,) but had generally been mischievous and fun loving. After, he still was, but he was less accepting of people being late. _A lot _less accepting. It was a rather abrupt change of pace from his usual out look on life, but they had all gotten used to it. One had to be prepared to get used to abrupt changes in character as a anthropomorphic personification of a physical place. Bad things happened, and they reflected on you.

"There is no need to yell, Sally." Louisiana said with her soft spoken voice. "You know that Mother would be late for his own funeral."

"Or completely blow it off." California quiped as he looked up from his Blackberry. Most of his face was obscured by the shades he wore everywhere, but they could all imagine a raised pale eyebrow in stark contrast to tawny skin. Jamie looked down again with a slight frown. "But he does seem later than usual, doesn't he? This isn't a _world_ meeting, after all."

"You know Mom." Florida said cheerfully. "He's probably still looking for a costume at this very moment. I bought two costumes because I couldn't chose. One is Mickey Mouse and the other is an orange. I love oranges. They're so cool, and citrus-y and orange, the best fruit ever. I want an orange right now. Who wants an orange?"

Anthony proudly displayed his oranges, and several states cringed, bad memories resurfacing. They all knew where this was heading, but could do nothing as Sinclair finally looked interested.

"Oh, I'm so tired of oranges," Nevada sighed dramatically. He looked over his tinted 'nice guy' glasses with a supposedly sad face that was bellied by the unholy dark in his eyes. "Can I have one of Georgia's peaches instead?"

John quickly looked towards Florida hoping that he hadn't forgotten to take his pills today. Anthony's face had rapidly darkened from disgustingly sunny, to a brewing storm_. _He stood, slamming his palms to the table_. No such luck then._

"You bastard!" Florida spat. "You trying to steal my 'thing' again, you damn thief."

"Excuse me!" Georgia exclaimed as he too stood up. "I ain't a thief, ya bipolar crazy. Ya should'a taken ya drugs like Ma told ya too. One woulda a'thout dat ya had learnt by now."

"I AM NOT CRAZY. _Jodiendo a ex-convicto. Usted se parece a un ladrón, la conversación como un ladrón, y sus melocotones chupan. Las naranjas serán siempre mejores."_

No,w John was aware that his language was not the best. He would also admit that with his many dubious scars, and obviously previously broken nose, that his looks left something to be desired. But no one, _ever, _got away with dissing his peaches. So he attacked. This was not an irregular occurrence, so Florida was ready, and the other states had already been placing bets.

During this time Jersey had been left all on his lonesome, and had taken his seat, head rested in his arms. Anybody would have thought he was asleep, but Derrick was the farthest thing one could get from sleep with their body stationary, and eyes close. At that very moment, he was in a battle of wills for his body. Derrick could feel something in his mind crack, and then he remembered.

He can't believe that he had forgotten, especially with so many signs screaming at him. But it had been so long ago, and he had not liked to think about it. Oh, my, he was getting old. Derrick was in a battle of wills, and he was losing. He had never had the strongest sense-of-self to begin with.

The only thing that kept New Jersey going was his pride in his Oreos, his high output of famous people, and the people that tended to actually stay in his state. The people of New Jersey took pride in their state, if only because everyone else liked to rag on him. Most were regular persons, if a little lackluster, but sometimes the others, who will not be named, were a problem. A "little problem." An overly irritated New Jersey was liable to pull out his hand gun, (one of many,) and letting fire with a smile and an interesting accent. (Just another reason to keep the states separated by region; each region had that one state with issues. The one time Nevada, Florida, Alaska, and New Jersey were in a room at the same time and alone…all it took was 5 minutes-there were a lot of new scars and tattoos spread around that day. **Never again. **The only way it could have been worse was if Louisiana had brought New Orleans, or Texas had been there to cheer them on.)

There was also LIVED. LIVED was the devil; the Jersey devil to be exact. Okay, so he wasn't technically a devil as much as a skinwalker-demon-spirit-thing left over by the Native Americans. America may not believe in fairies and unicorns, but he sure as hell believed in the spirits, and they were annoying as fuck. Especially when one of them stalked your son, never leaving his state, and was always waiting for a chance to possess him…again.

It looked like it was 'again' today, and Derrick could only hope that Mom would come before something too bad happened. It's not like the other states really believed in the devil, and Jersey somehow doubted that the Bambino had given Maddie a realistic impression of how bad a problem that that old spirits could be. Until then…

When Jersey raised his head, nobody took notice. Not even when he pulled a straight razor from out of nowhere. This could have hinted that something was wrong. Sure, Derrick could use blades, but he was more of a gun person. Or blunt objects. And he would never use a non-knife. Where did he even get a straight razor? No one was aware that anything wrong until Connecticut, who had felt the waves of evil, snuck away accordingly, and Delaware, who decided that he would _not_ be the one to interfere with this argument. He actually felt a little bad for New York, whatever the stupid bastard had done.

Jersey looked around the room, with a frown, before he closed his eyes and smirked._ It would seem as though America is not here. Idiot probably forgot. Oh, well. More fun for me._

There were many ways that he could go about this, but first he was curious. How much chaos could he cause before he got down to business?

"Can states invade other states?"

"Um…" Cleave looked very uncomfortable, as he was the one the question was addressed to. That didn't stop everyone else from hearing, however, and they froze. This was not a conversation that you brought up, It was a reminder of 'that war' that had hurt their mother and, something they all put from their minds. Even the newer states knew better. The fact that someone was actually suggesting…

They looked around for the culprit, to possibly beat some sense into them before Mom showed up, when their eyes alighted on a surprise for all of them. Vincent stepped forward from out of the throng, and said what they were all thinking. "WTF?"

_**{End Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

To say that New York was a bit disconcerted was an understatement. He was actually questioning who this person was, and what he had done to Derrick, because Derrick did not act like this. He did not say things like this, and he would have wilted under the attention that everyone was giving him. Vincent was confused, and he reacted to his confusion the only way he knew how. By being kind of an ass.

"Whatever do you think that you are saying?" New York strode forward a high nose and slight curled lip. "I do not recall telling you that you could speak and yet you think that you can stand up and say something so offensive. And with no shame either."

Now would be the time that someone would say something, but no one stepped forward. Not even Delaware, who had silently snuck from his seat and joined Connecticut in taking cover. New Jersey said nothing, even as he stood, eyes still closed, hands at his sides, and smiling. New York stood in front of him looking mad and no less disconcerted from the lack of reaction. His face brightened with condescending 'smile' as moved to pat his brothers head.

"I suggest you sit down, and be quiet like before, because this cold of yours has obviously gone to your head. You should have told me you were sick and I would have not made you c-"

Vincent pulled away abruptly, but not fast enough, as he felt a light cut on his throat. He took hurried steps as he raised his hand to his small wound, and brought it back to see blood.

"Joisey, what the hell is wrong with you?" He yelled. The states could not move as they stood in incredulity. Did Derrick finally flip his lid? They all knew it would happen eventually, but he had almost cut Vincent's throat. Without any movements but his one hand. And he didn't even seem bother by the fact that another couple of milimeters could have caused serious damage.

Jersey took off his glasses to reveal his eyes. The irises were now coal black and absorbed the light so that one couldn't see where the pupil began. Maybe it was all pupil.

"**Do not call me that.**" Jersey said in a two toned voice that sent shivers down their spines. Everyone knew there was something very wrong now.

"New Jersey, then. What the fuck is wrong with you? And what happened to you voice?" Vincent asked, and was happy his words were steady.

"**Do not call me that either.**" Jersey said in a distracted way, as he tilted his head, as if to strive to hear something.

"Then what should we call you?" Alexi said cutting New York off. Jersey suddenly looked back at them, and grinned, if one could call it that, in a baring of his teeth.

"**You may call me LIVED. Or Bastard, as America seemed to like to. Do you know where he is by any chance?**" The newly named LIVED continued. "**We need to be having a number of words, he and I.**"

"Look, Bastard." New York hissed as he glared. "I don't know who yeh think yeh are, but yeh o'viously not Joisey, and I wanh ma pussy twin back."

"**You are quite right in thinking that I am not your...'pussy twin'.**" LIVED said in an amused voice. "**But I have waited a long time to be free again, and I am afraid that I simply cannot acquiesce to your request. Now come over here so I can kill you, and feel free to scream.**"

Before anyone could react to that suggestion, they all heard a noise. Like a helicopter?…

_Crash _

"**America.**" LIVED said looking up at the raining glass. "**You are late. How very rude of you.**"

Indeed, it was Alfred who came falling through the remains of the window. He was wearing a lot of leather, guns, and knives. He even had a long sword strapped to his back, and no Texas on his face.

"Oooh~, calm even in the face of exploding windows," America said with a bland smile. "How very badass of you. And where did you get that razor. I was sure I had melted it down for scrap metal during the war."

"**_My_ baby will always return to me, America, which happens to be more than you can say for yours.**"

What was happening? The states, (capitals, districts) were now simply in shock, as they tried to process the latest events, but before they could do anything America said, "Everybody get out."

"But Mom."

"No, this is not something you can deal with. You would only end up hurt or in the way."

"**Trying to protect your children, America. Hopefully, you will do a better job that you did with this one. I will not be make it easier for your incompetent self.**"

"I think I did a pretty awesome job before."

"**But you had to have help before. Do you have any now?**"

"Well, as a melting pot, I have access to some pretty bitchin' stuff. Japan was happy to lend me some seals." And with that, America threw forward a few pieces of rectangular paper. LIVED did not know what they were exactly, but that did not stop him from dodging away, (especially since he knew that regular paper did not move that way nor glow when one threw sheets of it.) Unfortunately he did not move fast enough and let out a hiss as a sheet touched him and began to crackle and burn through his clothes and against his skin. He scalded his fingers pealing it off his left shoulder.

"Well damn, I didn't think that would actually work." Alfred said in cheerful, surprise. "Gonna have to thank Kiku."

"_**That hurt, America.**_" LIVED snarled.

"Yeah, well, there's more where that came from." Alfred said, determination shining in his eyes and he pulled out a dagger like blade. "You would be surprised at the kind of shit people have to fight off soul stealing bastards like you."

"**Would I really?**" LIVED asked, his voice falling back to its stable inflection. "**Then I am so sorry, but I rather have to be on my way. Things to do, descendents of people that I used to be acquainted with to kill. I might even pick up a few 'stuffs' on my journey. I shall see my way out.**"

And with that he ran. America stood there blinking. He wasn't supposed to run. They were supposed to have an epic battle, where the Hero won and saved his son, all in time for the movie to end. Dammit, if he ran, then America would have to chase him, and there would have to be a sequel. Alfred hated sequels. They sucked. America finally shook himself from his daze and sprinted forward, even as he pulled out a gun. He let off some shots, yelling back a, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Now get back here, Bastard!"

The states, minus one, were nonplussed. What the fuck had just happened? Why had their Mom apparently been prepared for it? Who was this Lived guy? What about New Jersey?

_What about Joisey?_ New York thought as he dusted himself off. New York may not have been to nice to his brother, but he had loved him. Kind of...Anyway, Derrick belonged to him. He could do whatever he wanted, but other people were not allowed to touch him. Somehow though, somehow Joisey had gotten… possessed(?) and Vincent hadn't even noticed. What was going to happen?

"Don't worry." Someone said as they put their hand on Vincent's shoulder. The states had begun to clean up the glass and other small debris as they got ready to talk, as it seemed America was busy.

"I'm sure Mom will handle everything, and get New Jersey back."

New York straightened, and moved to shrug off the hand, though he was comforted, but as he turned to look at his fellow state he stopped, puzzled.

"Who are you?" He asked bluntly. The person in front of him frowned, then sighed.

"I'm Maine." she whined, and pulled away. Harriet wasn't feeling so willing to be nice anymore, especially when he would probably forget about it anyway. Maybe she should visit Uncle Mattie.

* * *

"_Sta 'zitto_""_Chiuda la scopata in su,_" Italian. Not sure if its translated right, but "Be quiet/Shut the fuck up"

_"Jodiendo a ex-convicto. Usted se parece a un ladrón, la conversación como un ladrón, y sus melocotones chupan. Las naranjas serán siempre mejores." _Spanish. Translation(?)"You, fucking ex-convict. You look like a thief, talk like a thief, and your peaches suck. Oranges will always be the best."

**So what have we learned, (or already knew)...**

**Alaska...{Alexi(m) and Alex(f)  
California...{Jamie(m)  
Delaware...{Cleave(m)  
Florida...{Anthony(m)  
Georgia...{John(m)  
Hawaii...{Lilu(f)...Nikkei{Kuki(m)  
Jersey's Devil...{LIVED(m?)  
Kansas...{Monroe(m) and Dorothy(f)  
Louisiana...{? may just shorten that to her name(f)  
Maine...{Harriet(f)  
Massachusetts...{Madison, Maddie(f)  
Nevada...{Sinclair(m)  
New Jersey...{Derrick(m)  
New Orleans...{Salister, Sally(m)  
New York...{Vincentius,Vincent,Vinny(m)  
Texas...{Tomas(m)  
Virginia...{Virginia(f)  
West Virginia...{George(m)**

**Where do I get these names from? Wherever the inspiration strikes. I have an uncle named Cleave from Delaware, so thats what I picked. They are mostly random, or uncreative (that I make up on the spot), unless I already had an idea for them.**


	7. In Which America is in a Bad Mood

**MOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo. Been a while. ****This chapter is probably not what you were expecting, mostly because I'm not writing it in any particular order. Actually, I've been having a bit of trouble. I only wanted to try my hand at a little cracky stuff, but suddenly I have a plot and I don't know what to do with it. So troublesome. Anyway, we are skipping ahead 2 months from last chapter, to 1 month after The Stranger. America has shown up and then nothing really happens. God, this sucks so much. Sorry for mistakes.**

* * *

"Fuck off."

"Excuse me!"

The nations flinched back from the swirling miasma of killing intent. England looked ready to attack America with the kind of violence usually reserved for Francis. Alfred, on his part, seemed to paying him little attention. This definitely threw the others for a loop. America avoiding confrontation?

"WTF?"

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

Another month passed, and it was time again for a world meeting. It had unfortunately landed between Christmas and New Years, and the countries would be lying if they said that it wasn't a complete inconvenience. **(AN: And for all of you out there that are now thinking 'But not all countries celebrate those holidays, and if they do, not at the same time.' D: Fuck you & your logic.) **But at least they had something to look forward to. All of them awoke that morning with a purpose.

They wanted to see if America would be there. More importantly, they wanted to meet another state if he did not show up. All of the countries had their own feelings about the day.

Japan, for instance, was more than a little worried. He did actually care about Alfred, most of the time. They were closer than some countries would otherwise believe, (if only because America felt the incessant need to text him everyday about every little thing that happened **(AN: And Twitter had become the bane of his existence)**,) but it had been two months and Kiku had yet to hear from his fellow nation. It was inconceivable. The fact that America had actually ask to borrow weapons and seals only made it that much worse. Either Alfred had an actual apparition to deal with, or he was hallucinating and letting his imagination run away with him. But America was never aggressive when it came to ghosts. He cried and hid and tried to pretend he was protecting you as he clung to your body in the middle of the night. This could not be a regular drama in the life of Alfred, but still, ghosts? Both situations would be bad, but which one was worse?

England, on the other hand, was being his usual tsundere self. Sure, he was worried, especially after New York had (kind of) explained what had happened, but there was no way that he would admit it. Instead, he felt that it would be better to get angry. Angry at New York for being rude. Angry at Alfred for lying about seeing spirits. Angry at America for going to Japan instead of him for help. Angry that those two were even friends.

What did Kiku have that he did not? What about all of that stuff that had happened less than a century ago? Why wasn't England informed about this problem? He could have helped; he could have preformed an exorcism or something. Arthur was angry about being worried; angry about being angry**. (AN: You get the point, right? England is a very angsty country, it rains a lot there. No offense.)**

The nations were hyped up to say the least. Everybody had their own thoughts, worries, expectations. None of them were expecting this, however.

First big shock of the day: America was on time. Not just on time, but early. As in, there before everybody else, and yeah, they checked to make sure it was him.

Next, America, in his own words, looked like shit. He had ribbons of gauze covering multiple lacerations, a sling supporting his left hand, (without an actual cast,) a black eye among other things. Speaking of which, where was Texas? Without his glasses, (and with the generally bad mood he was in,) Alfred's face came off harsh in its pissiness.

There were no attacks or natural disasters recently, so the damage must have been done directly to his body. Who was strong enough to take on America and deal him so many injuries? The first guess would be Russia, but he looked just as puzzle. He was also unharmed, which would be impossible if he and America really went at it.

The final shocker was the absents of reaction from America. When the countries had entered the room, they were all expressive in their surprise, relief, and/or disappointment. America sat like stone through it all, his head supported by his good hand. There were no signs of recognition or any over-enthused outbursts. It was even different from the times when he simply looked as unhappy to be there as the rest of them. One could practically feel the aura around him telling them to backup and fuck off.

So they did.

It was actually a little weird how quiet the meeting was. It wasn't like last time where everybody had been quiet and doing their own thing. People were talking, and people were arguing, but America was like that one still person in the middle of the dance club. Except that everyone was aware that he was not interacting with the rest of the world, and it was awkward. Very awkward. Without America talking about nothing, the nations soon found themselves bored. It's not like if Alfred was polite and reasonable they would suddenly get along. Most of them hated each other, unless they were sleeping with each other. Even then, there was a still a good chance that it was hate sex.

Now they simply had nothing to distract themselves with. Even Prussia was being more tame than usual and, England and France were duking it out…quietly.

There was only so much of this that the countries could take. Despite being hundreds, or thousands of years old, they had very little patience. In the end, someone had to bring America out of his slump; if only to answer their questions. Okay, so what if they were curious? There was nothing wrong with that. They just wanted to know what had happened, maybe even hear about one of the states. Who knew America was interesting in a non-offensive way? And the thought that the states were his children, children that he had with other counties: it sent shivers down their spines.

They needed to know. So they elected France as their delegate. If they had the chance, Japan would have been the first option, but Kiku wouldn't do anything to needlessly upset Alfred. Especially when he would probably hear all about his adventure later. France was their third choice actually, but they couldn't seem to find ole' whatsisname. They could only hope that Francis didn't some how screw it up.

On fourth thought, maybe they should have just sent Russia. Or even England.

Okay, not England.

Francis moved to lean over Arthur, (making sure to touch him as inappropriately as possible in this opportunity), and opened his mouth. He never did get a chance to say anything, however.

France met America's eyes mid rise.

He was given the death glare.

Now in written words, death glares can be give willy nilly. They are simply another facially expression given in anger, or even irritation. In reality, however, a death glare is not such a simple thing to pull off. Francis looked into those eye and did not merely see, "If looks could kill…" Those eyes told him that he was dead. They spoke to him.

"You are dead." They said. "You are dying, and I am killing you. Maybe not right here, but somewhere. Somewhere not far removed from this reality, I am killing you. I am taking my pen, I am vaulting over this table, and I am gouging out your eye. My arm raises and arcs back down, and I am piercing your throat. Somewhere, you are bleeding out on this carpet. Somewhere. But…not here."

This is what those eyes told him and he sat back down. He could only feel grateful.

The nations were puzzled. Why didn't France do anything? He only just gotten up before he paused. Less than five seconds after, (during which he had steadily grown paler,) he sat down. Had America actually shut one of the bad touch trio with a look? Could he teach them?

No!

They would never be so stupid as to ask America for advice, for one thing. That was just asking to be talked to death. Besides, that was not the point. Their plan had been shot down and now they needed another sacr…victi…messenger? Maybe Prussia. He and America were uncannily alike at times. If nothing else, he could afford to take the damage, right?

England was not going to allow that, however. He _did_ know America best, he had raised him for the Queen's sake. There was no need for anybody else. Despite the frantic head shakes and hand waves, England shifted to the empty seat betwixt him and America and sat there. There was no need for any sudden movements, after all.

Alfred certainly wasn't making any. In fact, he had not reacted to Arthur's presence at all. After staring down Francis, America had simply laid his head down to look as though he was sleeping. Of course, England decided to take this as an insult, though he probably couldn't help it. This _is_ Iggy we're talking about. As a tsundere he is coarse, but paradoxly, (if a bit hypocritically,) sensitive. **(AN: Again, no offence to all my peeps from across the pond.) **

Despite being a gentleman, Arthur possessed an absurdly refined foul mouth and the kind of temper that one would expect to go with it. So he started to curse. A lot.

This was one of the reasons that England, while at the top of their minds, had been way down at the bottom of the list. He was not the person you wanted to handle an upset America…or a homicidal one. They had history, the kind of history that any of the older nations would find harder to let go. America did not really have that problem. He grew up in a world of faster pace. His anger came quick, (if a little out of proportion,) but it ended just as quickly, after which he felt guilty. The only long standing disagreement that he had was with Russia, and nobody could make heads or tails of their relationship.

America did not like when people brought up bad blood, and he simply could not comprehend why Iggy could not let it go. This was the leading cause of most their disagreements no matter what was going on on the surface. Normally they argued, and no matter who was in the wrong, America apologized. If it was really bad, England might be able to admit it was his fault. But this was not normally. Alfred did not seem like he was in the apologizing kind of mood and was obviously pmsing for whatever reason. It was rather like watching Britany Spears perform. You knew that it was not good for you, or all that good period, but you found yourself helplessly entertained.** (AN: Damn you, LCD. You encompass us all.)**

All the nations knew was that they could not look away, no matter how much they wanted to duck for cover. But…

Nothing was happening. America did seem to be awake, but was only watching Arthur through his elbow. Needless to say, this did nothing for England's temper. _How, how dare he? He ran out of one meeting, missed another, and he thinks that he can just sleep through this one. Never mind that he never contributes anything of importance anyway, but the least the bloody git could is pay attention. To the meeting. To me. The, the wanker._

Yes, England went on and on, as the tension went up and up. Some of the nations were even thinking that there hadn't been tension like this since the cold war. Russia would have even feeling a little jealous, if not for the fact that Alfred did not seem to care.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, America raised his head. Instant Silence. Some countries moved in even as others leaned back, but there air was still except for the few that dared breath. Even England, who had stood up at some point, was quiet in his fury. What would America do? Start yelling, punch him, attack him; there were so may ways it could all play out.

"Iggy," America said in a tired voice. "Fuck off."

Had anybody in that room been under the age of 30 there would have been a collective, "Ohhhh." As it was, they were too mature for that. Instead, there were many 'damn's, if only in their minds.

A sharp intake of breath, and the nations turned their attention back to Arthur. His face had gone pale, then flushed again with blood. He gritted his teeth, and quaked where he stood. Fists shaking, caterpillars lowering; England seemed to be preparing for an explosion.

And then…

"EXCUSE ME!" Arthur roared

_**{End Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

Nobody was leaning forward now. Everyone was just trying not to draw attention to themselves as most shrank in their seat. One month was all they wanted. One month without something terribly _interesting_ happening. Was that so much to ask? Apparently it was, if the huge influx of killing intent was anything to go by.

The nations looked to America, who did not seem at all bothered, or even concerned. WTF could have happened while he was gone to make him so aloof at a time like this? Even if, under other circumstances, he was somehow not afraid, Alfred would still have been nauseatingly animated about getting into a fight. Whether he was wrong or not. That was just how he was. This had to be that other guy from before, because it could not be America. **(AN: Speaking of which, where is that other guy? :)**

"Would 'piss off' be better for you?" America said with a sigh, when it seemed like England was not going to stop any time soon. Good _God, I come back after two months of fucking hell, and I suddenly have to deal with Arthur's bitch fit? And where the fuck is my coffee already? _"It means the same thing, ya know?"

"I know what it mean, you wanking twat. Don't patronize me." England gripped the back of his chair hard enough for it to receive an indent of his fingers. "And don't try and change the subject either; answer the bloody question."

"Hmm, did you ask something?" It was all Arthur could do to not bash America's head in with his seat. As it was, it took him more than a few seconds to calm down.

"I asked you how your…s-son is? The one that was possessed." England managed to grit out, and suddenly people were interested again. Nothing to get you to risk maiming like the idea of good gossip. And all nations loved to gossip. Besides, this was what they had all been waiting for.

"He's fine." America said gruffly, before dropping his head again.

That's it? He's fine? They braved England's temper, (and generally miserable disposition,) for a 'He's fine'. BORING. You know what, Arthur could have him. This was such a rip off.

England blinked at the abruptness, but at least it seemed to calm him down.

"So, everything is well?"

"Yeah, Iggy, sure."

So England sat down again, feeling rather good about himself. See, he could do it. There was no need to settle for the frog or Russia. Everything was fine. America was fine. **(AN: I guess we're ignoring the obvious injuries. I wasn't aware the Nile ran through England too.)** America's kid was fine. And England was more than fine. Even though Alfred was usually so headstrong and a git, he still could not stand up to the brilliance that was Britannia. England sighed happily and made to pull out a cuppa from…somewhere. He could finally relax for the first time in months.

But not too relaxed, as the doors of the room burst open, revealing...Um. That wasn't important. What was important was that America suddenly lifted his head, looking more alert than the nations had seen him that day, which was still not much. The person, (who seemed to look a bit like America now that they though about it. Could it be a state?) ran up to America, and stopped breathing hard. The lookalike knelt down and offered up a...cup of coffee? This seemed like another 'WTF' moment, but no one said a thing as America took up the cup in rapture, took a deep sip-

And promptly spit it out. The earlier anger that England had expressed was nothing compared to this. Russia was definitely jealous; what had this nobody done to deserve this kind of malevolence? It was his, _черт побери!_

_"_What the FUCK is this, Mattie?" America growled, throwing the cup down.

"What's wrong with it?" Canada screamed in panic. "I couldn't find any Dunkin'-"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT!" America shouted. At which point he grabbed Canada with his good hand and slammed him onto the table. "This is decaf, Mattie! DECAF! Bad enough, that all these people have is overpriced Starbucks, and cheap knockoffs, and now you bring me decaf! I don't drink decaf, bitch! Are you trying to kill me?"

"I'm sorry!" Canada wailed. There were a lot of times when Matthew would have fought back, but this was not one of them. America had been in a bad mood for the last month and a half, and as soon as he had caught up with his paperwork and could take a break, it was time for a world meeting. This had done nothing to help his disposition, and Mattie was not going to be the one who got the shit beaten out of him. That was what was Francis was for. Besides, he had made a mistake. Lord knows Alfred had a bad enough getting decaffeinated coffee on good days.

"Pft, whatever." America said, letting go of his twin, so that he slipped off the table. Suddenly, the explosive anger that had filled him was gone, and he felt more tired than before. "Just get me some Dew or Monster or something."

Canada was not sure if he could find a Seven 11 anywhere near this building, but he was sure going to try. With frantic nodding he slowly moved backwards, and then ran from the room.

America was no longer paying attention anyway. He had simply let his head fall to the table with a thump and sigh. _I wonder what Tony made for dinner?_

There was silence, as the nations took in what just happened. Apparently, America was in a worse mood than they had thought, and there nobody wanted to be the one to piss him off. **(AN: Except maybe Russia, but he was busy brooding.) **

And to think they had actually been looking forward to this meeting. Why would it be different than any other day?

* * *

_черт побери, dammit_

**Yeah, it kinda sucked, especially the ending, but I'm bad at endings. Next chapter will probably be the 2nd part of The Stranger. Maybe. Hopefully. Could take a minute, cause I want to add another chpt to my Hp thing. Also, before anyone complains, I am aware that it may have seemed like a I bashed England a bit. Ignore that. If it makes you feel better you can just say that I've joined the anti-tsundere revolution.**

**Question: I wasn't really planning on it, but does anyone want a Chapter on America's hunt for the devil? I ask cause I was kind of going to glaze over in the Stranger pt2, but if you want, I could try. I warn you though, I'm not really good with action. **


	8. In Which the Nations Meet a Stranger pt2

**MOOOOOOooooooooo! Hello again. It's been a while...Again. This is probably not what you were expecting, but I've been having trouble with it since pt1, and I just got so tired of it, so the end is kind of sucky. But at this point I don't really care. I've been pretty busy, so don't think that I haven't been doing , I guess. Urgh, I'm going to be a senior, and then I'm going to graduate, and then I'm going to fail at life.**

* * *

"So the states can take after the countries who had the most influence on them?"

"Yeah, well, only sometimes. Sometimes they could just be your lovechildren."

The room froze. Most of the nations were now resigned to these kind of happenings, but that didn't stop them from thinking a heartfelt, "WTF?"

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

_"…My name is Vincentius N. Jones. Vincent to my siblings or friends, and New York to you people." He took off his shades to reveal mercury eye, that showed only dislike to all but a few. They hardened to steel. " And if any of yous bastards gets ta thinkin' of eva call me Vinny, I'll pop a cap in all y'all asses."_

It took a while for some of the nations to correctly decipher what was said, but when they finally understood, they were offended. Or a little scared. Or a lot of shocked. Wait a second…

"Ve~! You said New York. Like the state? Do you know my family?"

Like the…state? America had states?

Well, of course he had states, but he had states with personifications? When had this happened? How had they missed it?

They had all heard the rumors, but they had dismissed them as just that. America couldn't have children. He was still just a child himself; he certainly acted carefree enough. He also wouldn't have, couldn't have, kept it a secret. Somebody had to know, right?

"Alexi is well, da?" Russia asked with a penetrating stare, and the nations looked towards him as one. Who was Alexi?

"Alexi?" New York repeated uncertainly. Over the years, America had slept with a number of nations, and when he happened to have a kid he never saw fit to tell any of them about it. So how did Russia know about…wait. _Alexi? Oh, he means- _"Yeah, whatever, Alaska's fine. Still a cold _skatina_ and all that jazz."

"_Xорошее_," Russia said with a slightly more genuine smile than usual. "You can tell him that he is welcome back anytime, and then we may become one once again."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen, Ruski." _Not that I would mind too much. _"You sold him, no take backs."

"Wait a second! What are you talking about? Who is this Alexi? Who are you? And why are you here instead of America?" That was England yelling if you couldn't guess.

New York did not like England.

Most of the states shared an intense dislike for the British isle, for reasons that should be obvious, but New York, (and Massachusetts) had something special against him. So, while Vincent did not take well to be yelled at by anybody, he took considerably offence at this, this BERK to even- to even think of…But Vincent was not one to show his emotions overly unless he was with family or experiencing road rage.

And yet, he was still verbally abusive. Guess who he learned that from.

"Are you a bit hard of hearing, limey. I'm pretty sure I already explained all that." Vincent completely ignored Arthur's twitch and gasp of outrage. "But you are pretty old, so that's not too much of a surprise. You didn't even recognise me when you saw me. Francis did. Your memory failing you? "

"That's obviously because you've seen each other recently." England argued, his face flush. He looked ready to attack, and they had both seemed to have forgotten everybody else in the room. France was particularly happy to realize this, when it looked like Arthur wasn't going to go after him. Really, what was Vinny thinking trying to drag him into their fight?

"Oh, ho, ho, making up excuses are we, old man?" New York allowed himself a drawl**. (AN: I can just picture him as one of those bratty foreign heiresses from Japanese anime. He even does the finger thing.) **

Things quickly degenerated from there. That is to say, England started yelling, because that's what he does, and New York spitefully snarked back. The other nations kept watch on the battle of words, even as they began to talk to each other and comparing information. How many of them knew about the states? Was there a personification for each state? How did the states even come into being? How did they not know about them?

France was the recipient of most of these questions, but he could not say much. He only really spoke to Vinny, though Vinny did speak of his siblings. The countries almost brought themselves to ask Russia, but in the end, no one was brave enough to do so.

Canada sat in his seat watching his fellow countries gossip amongst themselves. He wasn't paying too much attention to them, since he was busy keeping an eye on New York and texting. Texting Harriet to be specific.

Harriet was one of his favorite nieces and nephews. She was vice president to their 'League of Forgotten Siblings'. It mostly consisted of him, her, and some lesser known Canadian provinces and northern or distinctly polygonal states of the US. **(AN: Not that they were completely ignored, but come on. When was the last time, before reading anything Hetalia related, that it occurred to you that there was a whole country above the USA?) **They all shared phone numbers, and had their own information network for whenever the other states and provinces forgot to tell them about any going ons.

Such as: it would seem that America was on the trail of his wayward state, and close to catching him. The main problem was that Alfred was not completely sure as to how to exercise and/or seal a spirit. As immigrant nations, neither Canada nor America were particularly in touch with their native sides, so it's not like he could even summon up any ancestor countries and hope for the best. They probably wouldn't be feeling too generous with their assistance, anyway.

So any efforts to restore New Jersey were coming up short, and could only be done with a hell of a lot of research. Operation: Kill LIVED was at a standstill. Kind of like the meeting.

No one even bothering to lower their voices anymore, as they shouted across the table and their neighbors. It didn't seem like they would ever get back on track.

Luckily, you could always count on Germany.

"Everybody, shut up!" He shouted, slamming the table twice with his open palm. One didn't have to look closely at the scuffs and dents marring it's surface, to know that he had to do this fairly often. But it worked like magic. All of the nations were suddenly quiet and in their seats, and Vincent had taken to blinking rapidly and cleaning his ear. It was almost scary how like the meetings back at home this was. Actually, this guy, New York thought he might be Germany if he remembered his visit correctly, looked a bit like DC, if DC were taller, buffer, and replaced his three-piece with a…whatever kind of national uniform that was.

New York suddenly looked at attention. Not because of the fact that the DC look-a-like had apparently been saying something, but because he was interrupted by "Empire State of Mind" that was blasting out of his pocket. Almost faster than you could see, the phone was out and by his ear.

"Vincent Jones. What?" He answered flatly, and the nations were once again taken aback by the rudeness, whether it was directed at them or not.

"Oh, Mom." The voice was suddenly cheerful. "You catch Joisey yet?"

There was a pause.

"Huh, yes, well. Then why did you call? You need something?"

Pause.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm at the meeting. Everything is fine."

Short pause.

"Moo~oom. I said everything is fine."

Longer pause.

"No, I didn't threaten anybody. What kind of person do you take me for?"

Pause.

"Hey, I wouldn't shoot anybody. I'm not Joisey."

Pause.

"I am very diplomatic, and I wouldn't let some stupid Brit get to me."

Short pause.

"Yes, yes, everything is fine"

Pause.

New York suddenly blushed and looked around furtively, before turning his back to the nations. "Don't make me say it."

Short pause.

"I do, I do, it's...just. Come _on_, Mom."

Pause

"Fine, but they better be chocolate chip."

There was another pause, and Vincent let loose a put upon sigh, making an expression that was suspiciously like a pout. "I love you, too, Mom. Kisses and…_huggy_…_wuggies_"

With the last part said low and all but vomited from his mouth, New York quickly ended call.

He looked back to the nations who had all, for the most part, been peering at him.

"Yes?"

"Was that America-san?" Japan asked when nobody said anything. Vincent blinked. _Whoa. That nation's a guy? Cute. Looks familiar though._

"Fo sho, little Asian dude. Who are you?"

"Ah, pardon my rudeness." Kiku said, not taking offence as this was Alfred's child, and he did not seem to have many manners in the first place. "I am Japan. I am a friend of Amer… Alfred-san. Is he well?"

But Vincent did not answer. It was doubtful that he had even heard the question, when his mind was still stuck on 'I am Japan'. Of course, he knew about Kiku; his Mom never really shut up about the guy, unless he was complaining about the Limey or 'that Commie Bastard'. He had also known what nation 'the awesome' Kiku personified, but somehow he had picture him differently. At first Kiku sounded like a girly name, but after Vincent had been corrected and informed, he had imagined a balding, nerdy, perv of a late-middle-aged man. He wasn't expecting the adorableness.

Now that he thought about it, however, he did recognize that face. This was Hawaii's little bro's father. And he was short and…and pretty. New York wasn't sure which one disturbed him the most. _Does everybody top Mom?_

Vincent suddenly snapped back to himself, shuddering at the images his mind assaulted him with.

"Mom's fine. Fine. Yeah. Yes."

"Oh," Japan was curious as to what the state, 'New York-san', could have been thinking to make such a face.

"I'm sorry," New York felt the need to say. Didn't want to come off as uncultured in front of potential enemies. He might have even meant it. His mom did like Japan, afterall. Not that he didn't like most everyone to some degree. "It's just, you look like one of my siblings."

The countries, who had been unashamedly watching and listening, easily focused in on that last statement.

So there were more states.

"Which one, aru?"

New York took his eyes off Japan, to turn to the country who had asked. "Which…one?

"Which state does he look like?" China asked.

"Well, he's not really a state. He kinda just represents the large Japanese population of Hawaii." Vincent turned back to Japan. "Not cool, by the way man. I would _not_ suggest visiting there. Lilu would probably try to sacrifice you to her volcano."

"Lilu?" Japan asked.

"Hawaii." New York said.

"Wait, so who's the other dude you were talking about. I thought he was, like, male."

"That's Kuki. He's Lilu's lil' bro."

There was a slight pause as the nations played that back in their minds.

"Kuki!" That was Arthur.

"Yeah, well, Mom has never been particularly creative about names." Vincent rolled his eyes. "Kiku's Japan. He's Japanese. So Kuki's a perfectly fine name. I can only be glad that I'm one of the oldest, or I'd probably be named Ridge or Hal or something."

Somewhere near the Nordics, Netherland frowned. But whatever he was pondering was lost as he started listening in again.

"So the states can take after the countries who had the most influence on them?" Roderich chimed in, trying to cognize the information they were just been given.

"Yeah, well, only sometimes. Sometimes they could just be your lovechildren." Vincent stated simply. Almost immediately, he wished that he could take that back. He had gotten so used to answering the questions it had just blurted out.

Unfortunately, it was too late. If Hungary's red-faced mental overload said anything, it was that everyone had heard, and though they couldn't say anything at that point, it didn't take much to realize that their minds had collapsed under a BSOD of "WTF?"

_**{End Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

"Oops?" New York wasn't sure what had just happened. Did he just pull a Pennsylvania? _Oh, shit I hope Moms doesn't kill me. Or worse, never make me cookies again._

After the first outburst the nations did nothing. They were stunned, staggered, flabbergasted.

Lovechildren. How did that even work? Well, they all knew how it…

Okay, but America had like 50 states. That was, that was beyond comprehension.

"Lovechildren?" England choked. He was caught between embarrassment and horror, which was unfortunate, as his face appeared blotchy when he blushed.

"Did I say that?" Vincent inquired as guilelessly as possible, and he pulled it off quite well. He might not have retained many of the features inherited from either of his parents, but he could still pull off his mother's 'innocent and bemused' face. "I meant...b-b-bov - gl…dove, uh… Well, screw it then. Yeah, I said lovechildren. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?"

"Not that I'm not totally all over that, but despite my wildest dreams, America is, in fact, a male." Hungary stated doubtfully, apparently recovered from earlier.

"And you are, in fact, a crossdresser. Ya don't see me pointing out obvious gender discrepancies." New York returned flatly.

"Wearing the clothes of the opposite sex is a bit different from having inner sexual reproductive systems for both." Hungary said, then pause and continued as an afterthought. "And I am not a crossdresser."

"Yeah, sure." New York looked doubtful, but saw no reason to continue on the topic.

"I think you're missing the point." England strived to sound calm. "America cannot have babies. He's a bloke, and a country, and, dammit there are _fifty_ states."

New York opened his mouth to continue, but he was completely overtaken. England didn't do calm well.

"And, what do you mean, 'lovechildren'? How many nations has Alfred slept with? And if he had gotten pregnant, wouldn't he say something? And who is this Kuki? And, and… You're a state. Who's your… father?"

New York looked away, as if embarrassed. Which he was, kinda. Mostly he was just trying to find away out of the situation. _And if the counties are anything like us states, and they're coming off as worse, they're easily distracted. Sooo, give them a little information, and then start an argument. Pft, I'm a genius._

"Moms," Vincent stressed the word, "has slept with a lot of people, not all of them nations. " _Or American even._ "And, yeah, there _are_ more than fifty of us, but he didn't actually give birth to all of us. Some of us are just like little nations. Almost literally, really, since most of you bastards are so tiny."

And there was the bait

"Hey, we are not tiny."

Hook.

"Just because America is so obnoxiously big…"

Line.

New York wanted to sneer at them as they wallowed in their obvious denial, but he instead stood in silence. He just had to wait for the inevitable comment from…

"That's not what America told me, hon hon hon." France said, and as the nations all snapped to face him, Vincent smirked.

And sinker.

So fucking predictable. Of course, he was going to have to punish Francis later, but until then, he had gathered his things, ready to jet as the opportunity presented itself. He didn't have to wait long.

"Excuse me, Frog!"

At which point, Vincent snuck from the room.

Canada watched him go. He would have ordinarily loved to help, but he knew that his invisibility did not work when he was with America's states. In fact, he had a 50% higher chance of being mistaken for American near any state, and that was just something he did not feel like going through today of all days. At this point, he wasn't even willing to move lest he draw attention to himself.

Alas, it didn't look like the meeting was going to get finished anytime soon. Hell, even Germany seemed to have given up on getting everyone under control. So Matthew was stuck, and the only thing he could do was curse America from a distance. Hopefully, the little shit tripped or something.

* * *

He did. And Mattie was going to be regretting that in a month.

* * *

'_skatina_ ' Bastard'  
_Xорошее_ ' Thank you

**Apparently I do retcon, because Hawaii has a brother now. I just wanted America to have a kid with Japan, okay. And I know, I know, England. But he's such a good plot device. Whenever I get stuck, all he has to do is bluster, and I suddenly have at least another paragraph. **

**So what have we learned... Nothing new really.**

**Alaska...{Alexi(m) and Alex(f)  
California...{Jamie(m)  
Delaware...{Cleave(m)  
Florida...{Anthony(m)  
Georgia...{John(m)  
Hawaii...{Lilu(f)...Nikkei{Kuki(m)  
Jersey's Devil...{LIVED(m?)  
Kansas...{Monroe(m) and Dorothy(f)  
Louisiana...{? may just shorten that to her name(f)  
Maine...{Harriet(f)  
Massachusetts...{Madison, Maddie(f)  
Nevada...{Sinclair(m)  
New Jersey...{Derrick(m)  
New Orleans...{Salister, Sally(m)  
New York...{Vincentius,Vincent,Vinny(m)  
Texas...{Tomas(m)  
Virginia...{Virginia(f)  
West Virginia...{George(m)**

**This is probably the last in this specific sequence, though I probably will be messing around with this universe. I mean, I did spend all this time building it up and everything. **

**I would also like to remind people that this is not an actual story, but was a series of one-shots that gained life. And it's finally dead. HUUZAH! **


	9. In Which America Melts Some Brains

**MOOOOOOOOOoooooo! Something else that was kind of rushed, but it was more of a set up than anything. Also, I'm going to be moving things around, so ignore , I'm so bad at ending things, and it's not getting better.**

**I'm mostly trying to get everything down, since I'm going on vacation this summer, and I don't own a laptop.**

* * *

"Is this another holiday or cosplay thing that we would most likely be better off ignoring?"

"What? No, silly. Atlantis made this for me."

Only some of the nations were even listening to this conversation at this point, because anything that America was usually better off ignored**, (AN: Not like they hadn't always known that, but that hellish time of dealing with it every month had really hammered it in.) **Still, the many nations (who couldn't bring themselves to ignore America's voice and following, oh god, was that a giggle?) couldn't help but think slightly bemused variations of, "WTF is he talking about now?"

_**{Begin Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

The time of recession had ended quite a while ago and while Japan was slowly recovering himself, America and China were still pissing each other off, and Russia was busy being jealous about it, (though no one really wanted to know of which one,) most of the world was in a strenuous time of peace. That is to say, they were waiting for the other foot to drop.

So when America came running in one day screaming about how he had found the lost city of Atlantis, the nations may have been putting in their token 'WTF?' and lamenting about how 'at least the only had to deal with this twice a year again', many of them had also almost relaxed. They weren't happy, but, at any rate, it wasn't a WWIII. And then what he said caught up with them, and even their natural skepticism to whatever America says couldn't have stopped them from cursing his name. Why did everything interesting happen to America?

Oh, wait. There was that time when China cursed him. Hm…

So anyway, America had, in fact, found the lost city of Atlantis. At any other time the nations would have been all over that discovery, and they were interested, but to say anything would have meant having to spend excessive time with America again. Who knew how often they would have to see him then. Once a month was more than enough, but to work on something like this they would end up seeing each other: once a _week_; every couple of days.

NEVER!

It had taken a lot of begging to convince their bosses to handle it. It was the biggest find of the new millennia and they didn't wanted to leave it all to the USA. The nations were adamant, however, and in the end, the bosses had sent liaisons in the know along with the group of people one would send to an international find of this magnitude.

And the magnitude was large. It chafed the UN to basically give the US right to what was pretty much a small country in the middle the Atlantic freakin' Ocean. Oh, the US would probably keep them informed, (it did like to show off after all,) but that didn't stop the landmass from being a strategic wonder. None of them had any delusions of ever getting their hands on it now.

The nations themselves only felt like they dodged a bullet. There might have been some doubt in the beginning, but that went away the first time America came back.

He had still been on his high. And he had been annoying as fuck. Even Japan, who was always wiling to have America dumped on him, was not in the mood, but then, he was recovering even now.

And then America had come back six months later and he had been quiet. Not any type of quiet that they had gotten used to either. It was a peaceful kind, and it was creeping them out. But not as much as the new glow-y necklace that he was sporting. God, they hoped that that wasn't radioactive.

Also, at some point, America had stopped cutting his hair. It ended up reaching a bit past his shoulder by the time he stopped growing it out, and though he kept it in a ponytail, it (sometimes) made him look (a little) girly (From the side!). Japan had liked it, (but Japan was weird like that).

In any case, no matter what anyone had said, America set and strangely determined about these changes to his person. Eventually the nations had learned to (try to) disregard when America decided to change something (drastically) about himself (probably) just to unsettle them. Some things were easier to ignore than others.

Like today.

America had walked in with a scarf. Not really something that would bring a lot of attention except for the fact that it was the middle of summer and the damned thing was very attention grabbing. For one, it was huge. It did not compare to Russia's scarf. No, it surpassed it. Surpassed it to the point of looking quite cumbersome, though America didn't seem to be having any trouble as he moved with practice ease, his legs somehow always avoiding getting tangled.

Another thing that a few of the nations (like England) noticed, was that the scarf was hand made. Of course, it would have to be to be that big, but it was also very uniquely designed. It had weird symbols running though out the entire thing that the more involved countries recognized as those of from some of the ruins of Atlantis. Urgh. They all sincerely hoped that this wasn't going to become one of those stupid commercialized fads that America liked to spread around.

Eventually, many of the nations looked away, since America didn't seem to really think he was doing anything peculiar. He wasn't, really.

"Yo, Iggy." America greeted as he dumped his crap on the table with a bang that made England jump. He moved to sit down, tugging the scarf up from the middle, folding it in half and throwing it over his shoulder. Alfred snuggled into his chair before turning to Arthur who had been watching the process silently.

England, feeling mellow, gave a demonstration of his own considerable strength and, somehow, managed to raise a single eyebrow; a feat that Alfred was greatly amazed by, though he choose not to say anything. Karmen would have been proud.

"Hullo, Alfred." England finally returned, not even frowning slightly as he continued. "Don't call me that."

"Whatevs." America said. He leaned towards the table and opened the binder that he had been carrying with him to reveal… More of the hieroglyphic type symbols that seemed to be in some kind of actual pattern.

England raised his other eyebrow. **(AN: Two at once! Go Iggy!)**

"I thought the archeologists said that they had no leads on deciphering inscriptions of the city." England said, inspecting the pages as inconspicuously as possible. America looked back to him.

"They don't." He said, scratching the back of his head with an embarrassed laugh. No one was even close to understanding the meaning of the engravings that remained only on the walls of the ruins Atlantis (,because it looked like at some point the people had actually went out of their way to destroy any written knowledge,) but that did not stop it from feeling, to America at least, like failure. "I just wanted to learn it myself."

England looked sideways at the nation, but didn't say what he was thinking. Something along the lines of 'boy' and 'pride' and 'idiot'. Arthur was in too good a mood to let Alfred ruin it so early. Instead, he decided to humor his former colony and leave well enough alone.

He was almost enjoying himself with this new, peaceful Alfred, and opted to tempt fate. His eyes were drawn back to the scarf. "Is this another holiday or cosplay thing that we would most likely be better off ignoring?"

"What?" America asked, blinking at Arthur, who gestured minutely toward the obnoxiously big twine of fluff that draped over his body. America glanced down, before looking back up with a small smile. "No, silly. Atlantis made this for me."

_**{End Flash Back/Review Thing/Page Break}**_

"Atlantis?" England frowned, and Canada's head snapped towards his brother who didn't notice. _Idiot!_

"Karmen." America seemed to correct himself with the negligent wave of the hand, and Arthur's lips twitched.

"One of your, er, states?" The whole states thing had blown over quite a while ago, especially after they had met the majority of them. Some countries even liked to talk to their respective protigen occasionally. Most of the states, however, still held some form of grudge against poor Arthur, and he couldn't really bring himself to say children even now.

"No. Just a friend. He knitted it himself." America said. He turtled into the heavy material ,breathing in deep and smiling happily.

"_C'est l'amour._" France suddenly looked interested. And so did everyone else. Mostly because Francis was loud.

"Shut up, Frog." England said quickly. He snapped his elbow back to (most likely) break France's nose, not that France was complaining. **(AN: Though I'm sure he would be…if he were conscious.) **England had already put Francis out of his mind. He was in a good mood, dammit. He was going to bloody well stay in a good mood. "So, this friend of yours, he knits?"

"He also paints. Oh, and he likes to carve a lot. I mean he carves _everything_. Nothing wooden or stone is safe at home anymore. I've actually had to buy big ass chunks of rock just to salvage my house, but it's not like he's that much worst than Tony. But, yeah, he knit. Nothing in particular, but always really big. It's like he's from Texas."

"He's staying at your house?" England spluttered. **(AN: That's all you got out of it England, or was just where you stopped listening?)**

"Oh, yeah." America said cheerfully , completely unbothered. Not that he didn't like it, but it was always so quiet at home now a days. The children were busy, and Karmen couldn't really take much noise in any case. It was nice to talk unfettered to someone, without the risk of them trying to drink themselves into oblivion. **(AN: Oh America, I don't think England's the guy you want to talk to if your looking to avoid that problem.)** "I had been a little worried, because I wasn't sure if he and Tony would get along, (you know how much he hates you,) but they really hit it off. Tony finally has a drinking buddy, and there's someone to keep Karmen under control. It's totally winning. Epic."

It only shows how caught up England was that he didn't comment on the butchering of his language. "Alfred! You live with a human. What if something happens?"

"What's he going to do, Iggy, crawl into my bed in the middle of the night? 'Cause he does that already. Usually when he's drunk." America completely misses the fact that several people were choking on air, (or leering,) as he continued. "Beside, he's _not _a human. Duh."

"…" England stared and the other nations looked puzzled. "What do you mean 'he's not human'?"

"I mean he's not human, Iggy." America made frowny face.

"Bloody hell, Alfred." England was frustrated, and god this was throwing off his groove the way only America could. "I meant, what is he? An alien?"

"Yes?" Canada slammed his face onto the table. _Damned idiot. _

"Alfred, why did that sound like a question?"

"I mean, I guess he's an alien. He's not really, _technically_, though?" England palmed his head, and even the nations who fed off gossip could feel their brains dripping from their ears.

"Is this Karmen from outer space?" England asked as slowly and bluntly as possible.

"Oh, no. Karmen's a nation." America explained, causing the third 'WTF' moment of the day. "Well, I guess."

"There's no nation named Karmen, Alfred!" Fuck his good mood.

"Pft, Iggy. Just because he's technically a city."

"What the BLOODY FUCK, are you talking about?"

"Atlantis was basically a nation, by the end any way."

"WHAT DOES ATLANTIS HAVE TO DO WITH THIS KARMEN BLOKE?"

"Dammit, Iggy, there's no need to go all 'caps lock' on me. Besides, Karmen is Atlantis. I said that already." Canada twitched even as his mouth foamed a bit, _Fucking idiot._

"…What?" England deflated. He looked almost ready to cry. "I don't understand."

"Karmen is Atlantis. He is also technically the country. He lives at my house with Tony, and he likes to knit. And drink. Remember?" America gestured with his hands.

"The 'Lost City of Atlantis' Atlantis ?"

"Yeah. He's a bit depressed, but I'm working on him."

"The lost city of Atlantis lives at your house?"

"Yes, man." Alfred looked exasperated. "What is up with you today?"

"You didn't think that this perhaps bared mentioning, Alfred."

"What 'bared mentioning'?"

"The, the fact that...the, the, dammit, Alfred."

At which point, England burst out in disappointed tears, and the nations forced themselves to stop listening.

[Arthur may not have remembered it, his memory is rather bad as some people would tell you, but the reason he broke down so easily, was more instinct than anything. America used to love playing this game with his big brother, and the faster he cried the better. After a while, it slowly became less fun, as Arthur would break out in tears after a few seconds, but, at that moment, Alfred let himself bask in the feeling of accomplishment.** (AN: Because there's a little sadist in all of us.)**]

Luckily it was lunchtime, (no really, but Germany had to leave right then before Italy got any dumber,) and all the countries had more or less run from the room. England was going to try to get as drunk as inhumanly possible in one hour.

The room was quickly emptied.

America stood up and decided to leave his scarf the way it was. Moving over to his brother, he poked (cf. jabbed) Canada in between the shoulder blades.

"Huh, wha?" Canada awakened with a jerk, and winced as his neck snapped back. He looked groggily around. "Where is everybody?"

"They went to lunch. Now let's-"

"All of them?" Mattie asked. Never before had all the countries left to go to lunch. At the very least, nations like Sweden usually work through it.

"Yes, _all_ of them, Mattie." America said picking up his things. "And now we have to bounce before they come back."

"What are you talking about?" Canada asked, confused. When had he fallen asleep?

"Ugh, what is with everyone today?" America rolled his eyes. He decided to just drag Mattie to the door if he wasn't going to move his ass. "Boss man said to tell the nations about Atlantis when I let it slip that no one knew."

"Let go, eh. I can walk." Canada ignored the face his twin made, as he straightened himself. "Was that what you were doing? Why such a round about w- "

"Anyway," Alfred cut in, "I didn't really want to have to deal with the questions, so I pulled the old Jones family trick."

"Distract them with an argument?"

"Pft, no man, that's Vinny's thing." Alfred waited for Canada to open the door for him, which he did, if reluctantly. "I distracted them with stupidity. And it always works. I wonder why that is, Mattie."

"I'm sure I don't know."

"Whatever." Their voices faded as the door closed. "Did you see Iggy's face? Oh, wait, you were sleeping, but it was…"

It was about half way through the lunch break when anybody realized what America had really said, but by the time they rushed back, the North American twins were already gone.

* * *

**So what have we learned... **

**Alaska...{Alexi(m) and Alex(f)  
California...{Jamie(m)  
Delaware...{Cleave(m)  
Florida...{Anthony(m)  
Georgia...{John(m)  
Hawaii...{Lilu(f)...Nikkei{Kuki(m)  
Jersey Devil...{LIVED(m?)  
Kansas...{Monroe(m) and Dorothy(f)  
Louisiana...{? may just shorten that to her name(f)  
Maine...{Harriet(f)  
Massachusetts...{Madison, Maddie(f)  
Nevada...{Sinclair(m)  
New Jersey...{Derrick(m)  
New Orleans...{Salister, Sally(m)  
New York...{Vincentius,Vincent,Vinny(m)  
Texas...{Tomas(m)  
Virginia...{Virginia(f)  
West Virginia...{George(m)**

**Atlantis...{Karmenakasha, Karmen(m)**

**About Atlantis's name, I made that up exactly one minute ago. But does anybody have a name for the original Country or Nation as a whole? Since Atlantis was a city and everything.**


	10. In Which Somebody's Gonna have a Bad Day

**MOOOOOOOoooooooooo! I'm alive and have decide to stop being lazy. Senior year is here, but I've mostly been read Supernatural stories. My favorite list is ridonkulous, and you wouldn't believe how long it takes that bitch to load.**  
**I know some people were looking forward to long-haired America, but, to be honest, I haven't really been working on that at all.O.O This is mostly just to sooth the savage beasts, and because I wanted to do some state interactions. You like those guys right?  
Warning: There's going to be a section of this that's going to be pure conversation, without any indicators of who's who, read it slowly or your going to get confused. More confused.**

* * *

It was a terrible day to be Diesel Carsten Jones.

Not that you could ever call him that to his face and expect to live. Or rather, not that you could ever call him that to his face and expect to want to live through the aftermath. When you were the personification of a critical political landmass, you had the power to make someone's life a living hell. When you were one of the most efficient personifications in existence and had the coveted ability of holding paperwork at bay, then people bowed down before your complete and total power, willing to give you the respect and privilege that you deserved.

Unless, of course, those people were your siblings. If you could call them people. D.C. would never be so inclined, and he would know, what with having to spend excessive amounts of time with one of them or another.

It's not that D.C. didn't dislike his siblings. His fiery contempt for them blazed with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. The fact that he was younger than half of them, and they never failed to let him forget it, did not help matters. If he didn't take his duty so seriously, lord knows, his family would see less of him than they did Sinclair. But, the fact of the matter was that _he_ was the only one who could get his brothers and sisters to get anything done that didn't selfishly involve their own geographic selves.

His mom did try his hardest to spend as much personal time with them as possible, but one did not expect work to be done during said times. Even Carsten himself took those wonderful moments as a vacation from the ever grinding machine that was their political system. He was even proud to say that he was the first one to try out whatever foods his mother _borrowed_ from the other nations before they were culinarily bootlegged and Americanized.

And, oh god, the cookies.

In fact, he had been savoring the thought of those leftover from his mother's last visit, when he got back from a night at the court. It was the damn gay marriage thing again: he really couldn't be bother with such nonsense. As far as he was concerned, it was going to made legal eventually, because times changed and that's what_ always_ happened. He would have just let everything pass and be done with it, but humans were always so slow with change, and the chances were, he was just going to have to wait for a couple of generations to die out, like always.

D.C. was already through the door, with his jacket removed and his tie loosened, (ready to stuff his face and collapse on his bed to let the T.V lull him to sleep, sunny day be damned,) when he heard them. The voices that haunted his daymares.

He began to his kitchen entrance deliberately. Other people might have run, either to the intruders or away from danger, but he walked as if to his doom. He knew what hell awaited him.

It only took one glace into the brightly lit room to make him want to burst into tears. Mountains of tupplewear that were supposed to hold his breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for the week littered the island. Looking past them he could see about 30% of his siblings gathered in the next room. They were chatting too loudly. They were stuffing _their_ faces with _his_ food. They were filling seats of his dining room table, with one waitingg innocently and empty at the head. They were in his house and he had no idea why.

"W-what…I d-d-don't…" D.C. was struggling with his stutter that only seemed to exist when he was around his family. "W-w-wha?"

Only one head turned to acknowledge his existence, and possible only because the plate in front of him was empty.

"You are late." Idaho said at the speed that any other person might fit in ten more words.

"Late" D.C. restated, shocked out of his minor stupor; he even managed a small glare. D.C was never tardy for anything. He did not _do_ late.

"For the meeting." As if that was an answer.

"There is no meeting scheduled for today." D.C. frowned in irritation. He hated talking to Ted. Sure, he was of the most mild mannered of any of the states, but, god, it was worse than watching paint dry.

"Are you sure, D?" Liberty suddenly shouted in what was supposed to be her quiet and sly voice. It still managed to make half the table jump, and D.C. heard a quiet moan off in a shadowed corner. He rubbed his forehead gently. Of course, Liberty was here. She practically stalked the 'potato state' if more so for his listening ear and shiny stones then his potatoes themselves.

"Of course, I'm sure. I'm the one who sets up the damn meetings, you effing banshee." Liberty pouted at him, while Idaho gave off a nonplussed air before drifting off into his own world. It's not as though he cared either way. He had simply went where Libby had dragged him when their mother's house turned out to be a bust. "Why have you taken it upon yourselves to darken my door step?"

"Your house was closest to Mom's, dude." Jamie spoke up, even if his eyes never left his newest tablet.

"And?"

"Well, we remembered how you were always talking about how we never got anything done and kept on missing meetings, so we decided to through a little impromptu one. Since we were here and all."

"No. Get out."

"Oh, come on, man. We can't stay at Mom's and the earliest plane I could book so fast doesn't leave until three." David whined. He lived on the other side of the country, for god's sake. He even beat Idaho, no matter that it was just by one state and that said state didn't actually care.

"Get. Out."

"We promise we'll work."

"Get- "

"I'll tell Ma." Tennessee said suddenly.

"Pardon?" Finally, there was a reaction from the district, but not one that anyone would want. Allen felt himself shrink back from D.C. patented demon voice, but knew that he had to stay strong.

"I-I'll tell M-ma you weren't engennerin' unity."

"The word that you are looking for is 'engendering'." Connecticut added quietly. As far as he was concerned, accents were as much a mistake as not knowing the word. He was ignored.

"You _broke_ into my _house_." The states exchanged glances, and decided to bring out the big guns.

"Ano, pease?" Kuki begged soulfully. D.C. twitched.

If there was one thing none but Lilu could say 'no' to, it was Kuki trying to be cute, especially in his oversized kimono. Logically, Carsten knew that Kuki wasn't all that much younger than them mentally. His body was mostly due to the fact that, while there were many people of Japanese descendent in Hawaii, most of them were not in touch with their heritage; to even speak the language was a bit of a stigma. Physically, Kuki was stuck as a seven to eight year old, but he had the mind of a steel trap, and if he was lacking a bit maturity-wise, he wasn't any different from most of the personifications with a lot less reason.

Logic didn't stop the anime eyes from working.

* * *

"I'm just saying, at least Vladimir _has_ cheese. I mean, what kind of stereotype are people going to remember _you_ by."

"Why would I want to be stereotyped?"

"Convenience. It helps people remember that you exist, and we're all basically stereotypes anyway. You should probably pick something now before you get bagged with something terrible."

"And we wouldn't want that now would we, _Hannah_?"

"It's Anna! Anna. And until I get back the 18 dollars I wasted on your 2nd and 3rd movie, I don't want to hear shit from you, Twilight."

"H-hey. Shut up, they weren't that bad."

"Dude, they were almost the exact same movie, said movie not being all that and a bag of chips. Kristen Stewart was awkward as hell, there were too many plotkais to count, and truly, the only way it could have been worse was if some douchebag had just said, 'fuck it' and made them in 3D like every other asshole that year."

"That really has nothing to do with- "

"Well, the last two weren't so bad."

"Yeah, whatever."

"I guess."

"They were no RotF, but I still feel like the porno spoof will be more interesting."

"Ooh, when's that gonna happen?"

"Don't you dare answer that question. There are children in this room."

"I concur. Some of us have delicate ears."

"That's not the impression I got when you were shoving your bayonet up my ass and screeching things that would make mom pause, lovely one."

"That was quite a while ago, West. Holding grudges is uncouth."

"I'll show you uncouth, you fugly- "

"Penny wishes she had someone to call West! She just knows it would be totally awesome."

"Sin wishes Penny would shut the fuck up. Not everyone is willing to put up with her loud and abrasive voice. Especially while nursing hangovers."

"Penny thinks that Clair should watch his un-awesome mouth! She also suggest that if someone is an alcoholic, (among other things,) and has a hangover, then that person should maybe stay in bed and _not_ drag his bitchy ass all the way across the country so that other people have to listen to him be miserable! And un-awesome!"

"Cleave thinks that we should stop speaking in third person."

"Jamie is bored. Somebody tell him why he can't go to mom's house."

"If Jamie is still speaking in third person then the correct phrasing would be, 'his mother's house', and if one was so inclined, then they might explain to him that his buttocks, along with those belonging to Liberty- "

"Penny!"

"-and Tomas were so incredibly raucous that they threw his mother's guest into a fit leading to them getting their collective buttocks, along with those belonging to the rest of their siblings banished, barred, and banned from the premises until further notice stated otherwise."

"People, _please_. Hangover."

"Guest?"

"My volume and decibel were at a perfectly reasonable level."

"Is that why we were kicked out of the house?"

"I think he was talking about all of the big words."

"I thought Mom just had a new baby or something."

"Not a single word in that sentence was over three syllables."

"Oh, he has a new baby, alright, and it's over seven feet tall."

"That was only one sentence?"

"Seven feet already. Which one is he?"

"Are you sure it wasn't a run on?"

"Which what is who?"

"My grammar is perfect!"

"Ma didn't have an actual baby, you idjit."

"I think that would be more a problem of mechanics than grammar."

"Well, obviously, if it's seven feet tall already. I was just wondering what state it was for."

"My mechanics are fine."

"But not perfect?"

"What?"

"Excuse me!"

"We have a new state?"

"I'm sorry. I got caught up in their argument."

"There's no new state at all. I was talking about Karmen."

"His name is Karmenakasha."

"Am I supposed to know who that is, or something?"

"Good lord."

"YES! You should definitely know who that is."

"The lost city of Atlantis who sleeps with our mom every night."

"And since we are on the subject, I would like to turn your attention to- "

"Wha?"

"Who's Mom sleeping with!"

"No shit, bro. Fer real?"

"Are you people serious?"

"I think they are."

"Which people are we talking about?"

"What are we talking about right now?"

"Some ponce named Karmen is kipping with our mum!"

"_Kipping_?"

"Excuse me, if you would- "

"And they live together. He convinced mom to tell us off, and he's probably eating our cookies at this very moment."

"That is _NOT _what I said."

"Not the cookies!"

"SHUT UP!"

"…"

"We have been at this for five hours, and not gotten a single thing done. Now if you would- "

"We've been at this for five hours? Already?"

"Now that you mention it, I'm hungry."

"Me too. Is it time for break yet?"

"I could use some Micky D's."

"Oh, god no. I'm going to Burger King."

"They do have better fries."

"They have better everything."

"Don't say such blasphemy, you heathen."

"I've tasted better apple pockets from concentrate."

"_Is _it lunch time?"

"No!"

"I could use some coffee."

"Hmm, coffee."

"I don't think there are any Starbucks near here."

"Fuck, Starbucks. America runs on Dunkin, bitch."

"Hmm, doughnuts."

"I want some boston cremes."

"Hell yeah."

"Well, I want some peaches."

"Potatoes are nice."

"Does anyone want some oranges."

"Can I get that in juice form? Imma bout to blow chunks."

"Dude, we're about to eat."

"No, we are not! What we are going to do is work."

"Oh, come one. We've been at it for five hours."

"Yeah, D, we need a break."

"We have done nothing!"

"I've been talking so much, my throat is dry. Can I have some orange juice?"

"Yay."

"Nay, it's all mine."

"You have been speaking nothing of consequence this entire time. We have an agenda people."

"Well, what were we supposed to be talking about?"

"Tax reforms or something."

"Boring."

"We always talk about taxes. Isn't there something else?"

"The death sentence."

"Death and taxes, death and taxes. Who the hell cares?"

"YES!"

* * *

The states looked to D.C. as one, (except Nevada, who was clutching his head in pain,). His face was stone. "Yes, it is time for a break. So go."

"Are you sure, D?" Liberty asked, uncertainly. She might not do subtle, but she knew the face of some one at their breaking point when she saw one.

"Yes." The demon voice was back, "Get out."

The group looked at each other, before slowly rising from the table. They were backing away as quietly as possible, even if it was redundant, given the fact that their wayward brother was watching their every move. It was funny how he seemed to maintain eye contact with them all at once, but the supernatural powers of D.C. were best left for another time. Now, they just had to get away with their souls.

Allen turned as he heard something shatter on the floor. It seemed that Sinclair had decide to solve his hangover, by getting drunk again. A worthy endeavor that was about to get him killed, because he had just knocked over a priceless vase. Tennessee didn't need to be told that it was priceless; he didn't even need to gather his courage to look D.C. in the eyes. He knew that, like most thing in his brothers house, that single vase was worth more than the annual salary of an lower upper class family in anyone part in America.

As he was running for his life, dodging a hail of shot glasses and surprisingly accurate cooking utensils, it occurred to him that was probably more than a little frivolous of their supposedly straight-laced brother. He made a mental note to bring it up at the next audit. The note was promptly lost as he was beaned in the back of the head.

Shot glasses were surprisingly hard.

* * *

D.C. couldn't just go to bed.

Of course, he couldn't just go to bed; he had to clean. He pulled spoons out of the walls. He washed the dishes. He rubbed down the dining room table. He picked up candy wrappers. He picked shot glasses, (most of them were surprisingly in tact). He swept the floor. He even took out the trash while he was at it.

By the time he finished, he was onto his last legs. He really didn't know how his Mother could deal with those horrible monsters. To think that he did it almost every other day filled D.C. with horror that couldn't be fathomed. After all, he didn't have to put up the pretense of actually caring about them, but then, their mother didn't need to fake it. His concern was actually genuine. What a remarkable creature.

D.C. tottered into his living room, forgoing the stairs to just collapse onto his couch. It was custom, and more comfortable than most people's mattress.

He put from his mind his annoying siblings, hungry stomach, and burning eyes. All he wanted was sleep. Carsten closed his eyes, and after a few moments went lax.

Something was ringing. His eyes snapped open. Something was ringing and vibrating against his thigh. Something was ringing and interrupting his sleep. Eyes unblinking, D.C shakily removed his blackberry from his suit pants. His voice was steady when he spoke.

"Yes."

There was a pause, before the voice of his most trusted adviser/secretary/friend blared out at him. He had met James Watson some decades ago, and while the human was getting on in age, he had lost none of his fire. "_Yes? YES? Don't you fucking 'yes' me in that damned voice! Were you fucking SLEEPING? Do know how _late_ you are? Do you even know what _time_ it is_?"

"Late," D.C. repeated deadpan, but more awake than before.

"_LATE, you son of a dude! It is five o' fucking clock. The meeting started an HOUR ago, and I am running out of shtick. Now get your ass down here before I turn it over my knee._"

The call cut off. D.C. pulled the cell away from his ear to look at the time in the corner.

5:03

His blackberry said 5:03, but he hadn't even gotten to sleep before he was wrung. He had wasted an entire day. He had wasted an entire effing day on those effing bastards. And now he had to go back to work to convince China that they didn't need to pay off their debt right now, but they would get to it eventually. And he was never going to here the end of it from James; he was going to owe his forever.

A cracking noise drew his attention enough for him to notice that five minutes had passed. Or at least, he thought that's what it said; he couldn't really see past the fracture in the screen of his cell.

D.C didn't know whether to laugh of to cry…

And then he smiled.

* * *

All across the country, states froze in whatever they were doing and shuddered. Some more than other.

* * *

James Watson had worked with Jones for over 30 years. With, not for, because while Jones got the job done, he tended to put people off. Yes, everyone noticed the name, and god knows, James had heard all the jokes, but he was no push over. He was most definitely not an enabler. He greeted the guests, he kept the secrets, and he was fucking pissed.

James was thinking of all of the ways Jones was going to make this up to him, starting with being able to call him by his first name, ( at least in private,) when he felt it. The Chill. Not a chill, The Chill. The Chill, that he had only felt thrice before, raced its way up his spine. He didn't know why and he didn't care; he wasn't going to ask who the dumbass was that had pissed off Jones enough to bring on The Chill, because all he needed to know was that it wasn't him.

He decided to easy on Jones, whenever the guy got there. He would start with the middle name.

* * *

**I was trying to replicate a conversation as well as possible, but I'm sorry if it got too confusing.**

**So what have we learned...**

**Alaska...{Alexi(m) and Alex(f)  
California...{Jamie(m)  
Delaware...{Cleave(m)  
Florida...{Anthony(m)  
Georgia...{John(m)  
Hawaii...{Lilu(f)...Nikkei{Kuki(m)  
Idaho...{Ted(m)  
Jersey Devil...{LIVED(m?)  
Kansas...{Monroe(m) and Dorothy(f)  
Louisiana...{? may just shorten that to her name(f)  
Maine...{Harriet(f)  
Massachusetts...{Madison, Maddie(f)  
Montana...{Anna, Hannah****(f)**  
Nevada...{Sinclair, Sin, Clair(m)  
New Jersey...{Derrick(m)  
New Orleans...{Salister, Sally(m)  
New York...{Vincentius, Vincent, Vinny(m)  
Pennsylvania...{Liberty, Penny**(f)**  
Tennessee...{Allen(m)  
Texas...{Tomas(m)  
Virginia...{Virginia(f)  
Washington...{David, Twilight(m)  
West Virginia...{George(m)

**Atlantis...{Karmenakasha, Karmen(m)**

**I don't know _where_ James came from, but I've decided that if D.C. shows up again, he won't be far behind. **


End file.
